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It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.

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Tell her sorry but you rather she didn't. Go with you gut. I find out when I don't, I should have. You don't explain why just you rather she didn't. Like you say, she is there to do a job.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 4, 2019
Sensible advice here.
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10
Extremely inappropriate.
Childhood illness (if exposed) would not be good for an aging adult.
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cwillie Mar 4, 2019
That is a twist I never thought of, I just assumed the child's caregiver might be sick, not the child.
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I can see being flexible if you have a good relationship with the caregiver and it is a one time thing due to their sitter cancelling out or something like that because the alternative might be that they would have to cancel on you completely, not any more than once in 6 months though. And it really depends on the age of the kid and their temperament too - some kids can play quietly and some need a lot of attention.
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Troubledwaters Mar 3, 2019
I agree. Taking care of my grandmother couldn't be easier so it's a classic example of give an inch, take a mile. It being easy isn't an invitation to try to multitask. She has mild dementia and needs the right kind of attention, not more things that take her out of her element in her own home.
In the future, I'll have the agency call me if they can't find a suitable replacement. I'd rather do an extra night or 2 than worry and stress.
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My mother in law would love it! She could observe a little one and an older child could read or converse with her.
Not every situation would work due to the patient and child's needs, but I wouldn't say "no" categorically.
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gdaughter Mar 5, 2019
Yeah, that is a point...potentially, and especially with my mother...who likes the under 5 set...but the cold/flu issues outrank that I think...
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You said: "I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong."

Ask yourself why it seems 'wrong' to you to express yourself/your feelings and needs, and set boundaries in this situation (and/or others)? When you realize you need to change your behavior and feelings, take control and responsibility for what you need to do, you will be able to do it. Yes, asserting yourself and your needs will initially feel uncomfortable because you are not used to doing it and any change in behavior is 'uncomfortable.' Nothing is falling on your shoulders - in this regard - unless you allow it.

I agree with many others. All valuables need to be locked up and/or at least 'out of easy visual sight.

Do you 'like' these children?
I am a strong believer in inter-generational support and socialization. Perhaps on occasion, the 'kids' can accompany the caregiver(s), if you feel it is appropriate. However, you need to make the rules that fit your comfort zone. This is your home and the responsibility for care - and the considerations - is up to you.
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Don't permit this. It will happen again if you say yes once. This happened to me except the caregiver simply showed up with the child. When I got home several hours later the boy was asleep in my bed! And the caregiver had gotten cold and helped herself to a pair of my socks from my dresser. She'd been a nice caregiver but taking those liberties was not on, in my book.

If the child had had an accident or gotten sick, andyour family member needed or wanted attention, whom do you think would be the priority? This is a very bad idea. As muh as we want to be nice, this isn't a path you want to start down. In fact I thought it was the fault of the agency who hadn't made clear to the caregive what her professional obligations entailed, ans shortly thereafter I changed agencies, even though we had had good aides from them.
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Troubledwaters Mar 5, 2019
Thanks, I won't again.
Now that's one i've never heard before! I don't know which would irk me more of those two things. I think i'd say "keep the socks".
When is it ever appropriate to sleep in someone else's bed that isn't your parent?
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I worked for over 45 years and never once took any of my kids to work except for "bring your kids to work" days.

This is totally unethical and unprofessional of the CG. She/he is being paid to do a job. You would be much better off giving her the day off w/o pay so she can deal with her kids.

You don't mention the ages of the kids, but that doesn't matter because each age group brings a different set of potential problems with them.

Don't do it, even if they promise it is only a one time thing. Once she/he takes advantage of you one time, it will happen again.
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I just thought of another great reason not to bring a child into this setting.
If the child has been exposed to any disease, chickenpox, whooping cough, strep, you do not want a person that is not 100% immunity wise to be exposed to something that may potentially be devastating and possibly fatal.
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gdaughter Mar 5, 2019
One of my 1st thoughts gram; so many good thoughts here, some pros, some (lots more) cons...
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I allowed my caretaker to bring her son. My Mom loved little ones and the three of them enjoyed the day together. Mom had a scooter and would take caleb on the scooter and Caleb's Mom would walk beside the scooter. They would NEVER EVER have stolen from me. I trusted her and she was wonderful to my Mom. One of the other caretakers started bringing her dog which my Mom also enjoyed but when it peed on my coach I put an end to that! File a police report for the missing jewelry. It puts them on notice that you know and it wont go unpunished. Call the insurance agent and file a homeowner's claim after filing the police report. Good Luck!
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Troubledwaters Mar 4, 2019
Good advice esp on the police report just to cover bases. TY. It sounds like you had a good situation going, and you trusted them. I just haven't known this person very long at all(second shift ever)
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Bad idea in fact. The child would get bored and can damage items by accidently knock things over, getting into them etc. Is the house childproof? Probably not.
I would be concerned the child would get hurt and you would be responsible. Ive personally seen that happen. And the mother said thats what you have insurance for... Her child climbed a tree and fell out. She cant keep her eye on the kid every minute. She will have to spend time getting snacks, keeping the kid entertained and out of trouble. You dont even know if she is a good parent with dicipline.
I had a neighbor come over. Couldnt even control her kids in front of me! My house isnt child proof. I told her that. They damaged items. She didnt care. Didnt offer to fix or replace. They even stomped on my plants right in front of me as I yelled get out of my garden. 6 Rose bushes newly planted. All stomped on. Mom did nothing. They werent allowed back after that. Period.

One thing I think would happen is that it is a one off, at first. Then next thing you know it will be more often until its a weekly thing. Nip it in the bud. Say NO. You shouldnt have to worry about the child and the elderly person. Most people cannot take their kid to work. That might be a way to slide the kid in there. That wasnt the arraignment. Why is the hired person changing the rules? NO. You hired that person to do a job. Period. You arent running a day care.
Once you allow that child in, it will be for a sick day, a snow day, a half school day, school holiday, summer vacation etc etc. You allow it once it will continue. You opened the door for it. Nip it in the bud. Put your foot down. You are really worried now. Your gut is telling you no.
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