How one does not go insane when dealing with a parent that's miserable most of the time?

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My mom recently went into a nursing facility and well it has not gone well. She has walked out on numerous times and well she is driving me mad. I did not ask for all this that she dishes out. SHe is miserable, mentally ill and well is driving me insane from all her b***hing. SHe is my mom and i love her, but I have spent the last 30 years dealing with sucide attempts, walking out of facilites, hours of phone calls trying to talk some sense into her.ITs not working. I have throw years of hoarding away and now yet again she is mad.Its sad to say her craft obsession takes more then her own children. Even her sibling think that. I am considering getting me help as I cant do this anymore. M brother has stepped back because of this, leaving me to deal with her. What do I do?

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I would speak to one of the people at your county's agency to let her know the problems with your mother. It may be that for your own sanity you will need to let the state step in to oversee her care. Sometimes there is little we can do, so we need to get someone in our corner. Having the state assume guardianship may be something to consider, since she is difficult to help. I feel so bad for you. No one should have to be going through this. Your brother may be the wise one in this instance. Sometimes it is best to step back and let someone else take over.
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Sadly, missmel, there isn't anything you can do except endure. I have my 89 YO, complaining, bitchy, argumentive mother living with me since 2005 and all I can do is endure until she dies. She's in very good health so a nursing home is out of the question. I have 3 invisable brothers, I'm divorced and my daughter is out of the house, so it's just me and Mom. Let me tell you, there are days I'd like to slice her throat. Last night was one of those nights. She seemed to have it in for me as soon as I came home from work. I realize she's probably acting out from lonelyness and frustration from simple aging but it's not always easy to be on the receiving end of her miserable mood. I'm not proud of this but I wish she would die. I'll say a prayer for you but I don't think it will do any good. You are stuck with her just like I'm stuck with my mother until the day she dies. Sorry, but I'm not the type to blow sunshine up anyone's skirt when I can plainly see the situation is hopeless. I will say this, you are not alone. I hope you find strength, you're going to need it.
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Based on what you wrote I can understand your frustration. It sounds like you just have nothing left to give. That's a very common feeling in caregivers. As I'm sure you've realized you'll never be able to change your mom's behavior but you do have control over how her behavior affects you. I think getting some counseling is an excellent idea and a way to learn the tools you'll need to continue to be a part of your mom's life.

Having an elderly parent in a NH is very stressful. Many people don't realize this. They think we dump our parents in a NH and then we go on our merry way but it just doesn't work like that. We're still caregivers. I would suggest that you talk with your brother and see if he can bring himself to step back in, for your sake if not your mom's.
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