I have a brother who has MS. He was diagnosed when he was 27 he is now 47. He had lived with my parents most of that time until a year ago and then he got to much for my parents to take care of him so I am now his caregiver. He lives with my family and I. I work in home as a child care provider and take care of him. The care part isn't to bad. Its his mouth, his rudeness, his disrespect, & I don't have to, I don't want to, that is the problem. His memory is pretty much gone as far as short term but most anything that happen years ago like before MS he can remember except he think he should never have to go to the bathroom. So when ask to go its a BIG HUGH battle. How do I deal with all of his rudeness, disrespect and arguing over going to the bathroom? I am so stressed over this!
Find ways to take good care of yourself. When ever possible surround yourself with love and step away from nastiness. My heart goes out to you.
While it is admirable that you have stepped up for your parents, it isn't fair to you, your family, or the people who trust you with their children. And it isn't fair to your brother either. He needs more than you can provide.
You must have a very big heart because you care for children in addition to caring for your brother. However, I wouldn't want my child in a daycare with an person who had been ravaged by MS and who is angry, rude, incontinent, and whose caregiver has to split her focus between him and my child. I don't know how you do it everyday, it must be exhausting.
Yes, often we have a big surprise to learn that caring for somebody might be different than what you used to. You thought carrier in childcare will help you to handle your brother who obviously needs help 24/7.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can change in your brother's behavior now. But you can change yourself and the way you see his straggle.
I suspect that the reason he became so handful for your parents is simple. They were providing him with utmost love for years, mostly feeling guilty (as often parents of disable children do!). Since your brother grew in that atmosphere, he became a victim himself of that "unconditional love" when parents, instead of disciplining him and treating him as normal as possible, did let him get away with any behavior out of pity, which later on turned around and hurt them... and now you are picking up those fruits of your parent's love. It's hard for everybody. Indeed, I think you might posses all your most wonderful qualities and patience because you grew up in the same house (or close to it) and watched your parents being so wonderful, caring, compassionate and loving.
The other reason for your brother's madness is a progression of the disease. He is not able to control himself and you can't expect him to do it. If he has any cognitive decline, you should learn how to "redirect" his anger, rather than reason and fight with him. Or, maybe even to redirect yourself. Yes, he is not a child in your care who has to obey, and comply, and listen to what you said. He is a grown up man who is imprisoned in his crippled body and has no escape. He needs love, the unconditioned one and forgiveness....
It might also help if you do not continue to treat him as a disable one, but remind him you rely on his help too. Make posters and notes around for him to read if he has a short term memory problems. Keep him as busy as you can. You can do it! Because you are wonderful....