What is the normal length of time for a person new to caregiving realizes the task is too much? - AgingCare.com

What is the normal length of time for a person new to caregiving realizes the task is too much?

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Daughter - age 64 with a live-in partner age 63 move 92 year old nearly blind and invalid mother in home.

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Is the OP talking about herself or someone else?
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I agree with everything GardenArtist and freqflyer said. It's a very individual thing, and depends on many factors other than length of time. How needy or demanding the care recipient is, how close or conflicted the relationship between the caregiver and recipient, other time demands on the caregiver such as a job, relationship partner, other family and friends, the state of the caregiver's physical and mental health, etc. etc.

I personally began feeling very burdened almost from the very beginning, because I have a rather conflicted relationship with my mother, because she's more needy and demanding than she needs to be given the extent of her disabilities, because I don't respond well to having my freedom curtailed or being told what to do, because I don't believe philosophically in unchosen obligations or non-reciprocal relationships of any kind.

GardenArtist hit the point. If you're asking this question, you have probably reached your own limit or are rapidly reaching it. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. No two people have the same experience or react to it the same way.
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I would add to FF's insight that it's often the nonphysical aspects that create so much burnout. It's more than getting up in the middle of the night, driving to your parent's home (if you live separately), then to an ER and spending several hours there.

It's the repetitive and tedious drives to doctor's appointments, or to PT if out of the house. It's the anxiety of wondering when the next middle of the night call will occur. It's the anxiety as well of worrying what will happen despite all the precautions you take. It's the challenge of how to effect necessary changes in a tactful and supportive manner, of how to manage and balance everything.

And it's the discomfort of spending so much time on the road during inclement weather, now that Winter is just around the corner for many of us. Add to that the hassle of hauling a walker, rollator, oxygen equipment, and of keeping the care stocked with emergency gear - lots of blankets and extra warm clothing, backup food, and everything but more than comes with winter driving.

And it's a lot, lot more, as others here will probably write. And that includes the loss of friends and becoming more isolated.
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It varies from person to person... the caregiver's age, and own health condition. I think many of us think caring for an elder shouldn't be that hard until the elder is under the same roof. Even professionally paid caregivers burn out, and they get to go home after their 8 hour shift.

When I first came onto this forum, I was told that I was too old to be a caregiver ... at first I was taken aback by the remark, but lo and behold that writer was so right. I am a senior citizen my self, I don't that the energy that I had 20 years prior, and am dealing with my own age decline. One has to be very careful when trying to lift someone, our backs aren't young any more.

When you think about it, any time you visit a senior living facility or even a hospital, how many senior citizens do you see working there in a paid salary? Very rarely and there is a good reason, it's so darn exhausting.
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Sorry, but there aren't many aspects of caregiving that are "normal", especially the burnout time. If you're asking this question, I suspect you've reached that point. So, perhaps you could ask yourself what aspects you find overwhelming and if the whole caregiving scenario is already too much for you? You have to know your own limitations and are the best judge of when you're burning out. There are so many variables involved with this that it's hard to normalize.

Good luck, and let your own feelings be your guide.
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