NH finally allowing supervised indoor visits. First time I can see my father in 3 months. What to expect emotionally?

Why contain your emotions? If you are happy to see your father and you cry tears of joy, so be it. We try so hard to remain stoic all the time, and I wonder why most of the time. To be human is to have emotions. It's okay to cry or to laugh or even to get angry and yell from time to time. Sadness, fear, joy........they're all signs of being alive.

Enjoy your reunion!

Wonderful for you. What I try to always keep in mind is not to expect anything, just go with the flow. Things can change in a second. Tiny little things are gifts.

Dear "Helperson132,"

How wonderful and exciting that you will soon be reunited with your father in a couple of weeks! There are still so many of us who are unable to visit our loved ones who are in facilities or in hospitals.

I sure hope you won't let what seems to be some sort of fear or concern about not being able to contain your emotions, rob you of the full experience you can share. There is nothing wrong with having emotions - it's part of normal, human experiences - I feel bad for those who can't or won't express healthy emotions. Crying tears of joy could be a very helpful thing for your father as well as for you and your mom/family. They purge what is and has been pent up inside and if you've ever noticed afterwards, at some point you usually feel better as if your soul has been cleansed. God keeps track of them too -"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book" Psalm 56:8.

Also, sometimes we think we are going to exhibit a certain emotion and then when the event takes place, we may experience something totally different.

Look at the victory of when you worried about your dad passing away alone in the NH with no family around and it didn't turn out that way. I hadn't seen my mom since February 28th when she ended up in the ER/hospital near death from severe dehydration, COVID and a couple other things. I was afraid she would die alone in an isolated room with hospital staff wearing full gear - their masks were the black, gas masks which even took me aback when I saw it during a Facetime call. She survived and went to a physical therapy/rehab facility for three weeks where she had a window. During many visits, I cried outside the window. When we were going to move her, I told my husband I wanted to be at the facility when the medical transport arrived so at least I could see her outside from a safe distance. It was a happy moment but, I wished I could have hugged her.

So my prayer for you is that you will just take that moment/day all in and let whatever emotion surfaces "just be." I hope you will share with us how it went!














Dea

I would not try to contain your emotions. It should be a glorious day to see your dear father, let the tears roll, nothing to be ashamed of. Have a wonderful visit.

I got to see my Mum just last week. She immediately burst into tears. She cried most of the time but we had a really nice attendant who brought tea and cake so Mum calmed down.
I think the tears were a release that she wasn’t abandoned.
We also were to have no physical contact but that was inevitable. Mum is fully physically capable and how am I to refuse her need of her daughters hug? (And mine too) the nurses just said we see nothing and turned their backs. We aren’t a huggy family so that was the only contact and we did have our masks.

I am going to relay my family’s experience to prepare you in case it happens. We were not prepared and it was devastating.

Literally only hours after my state’s governor announced that nursing homes could receive visitors if certain criteria were met, the NH my 92 year old loved one was at for rehab contacted all family members to let us know that they had a staff member test Covid positive. Thus, the NH no longer satisfied the state’s criteria and visits were delayed for an additional 28 days.

I pray that does not happen to you. God help all the families going through this, especially those LOs staying in a facility.

I have no advice but was very, very touched by your concern for your dad and anticipating an emotional first visit. I just got a letter today from my dad's assisted living facility that they may start the same type of scheduled, distanced visits in the next few weeks. I haven't seen my dad since February! We do talk on the phone and he isn't ill or dying, just 99 years old. I never considered the emotional side of our first visit after all of this. I'll be following your experience and hope that it is a good visit and allays some of your concerns. I know my dad will probably have on stained pants (he's blind and I have to tell him when he has spills on his clothes) and his hair will be too long but I'm hopeful that we can enjoy an in-person visit soon.

My first visit yesterday, outside, with my tiny, tough as leather, 92 year old Covid survivor, and it was EXACTLY as though I’d been with her the day before.

She spoke to me by name, responded with interest to my nonsensical and overjoyed conversation, demonstrated a sense of humor, complained about being cold.......all typical, normal stuff.

A little bit off topic, but as a suggestion to those in my situation who haven’t seen loved ones since February or March- in the emotion of being reunited, try, if you can, to do a little bit of objective on the spot assessment of changes in behavior.

My LO had been moved a couple times in her MC unit since the virus struck, and ultimately was moved to a different floor while the facility undergoes a complete disinfection.

When she was moved, I began getting reports about her being unusually lethargic, losing her appetite and weight loss, but seeing her only sporadically and pretty unsuccessfully for FaceTime, I had no clear picture about what was happening, and naturally blamed it on the Covid and the fact that we weren’t in and out to see her as we’d always been before.

A little over a week ago, I had a call from her and my WONDERFUL psychiatric visitor, and in discussing LO’s situation I happened to remember that a medication change had been planned in February, and I wondered if it had been carried out. Turns out, it hadn’t.

With her original prescription decreased by half, she’s once again the gal I left in February! So if you do see something that makes you wonder, consider letting someone know.

I wasn’t to concerned about my emotions when she came strutting out the door with her walker, but I was flooded with relief. Every day that I’m able to see her is a gift.

Hoping that all of you who are able to reunite in the future experience each day with your LO as a gift.

I just had a similar visit with my 96 year-old Mom last Saturday, except that they brought her to an outside meeting place. My mother has dementia and is not responsive. They put a mask on her, which usually she would not like, and I'm not sure she recognized me in my mask. She doesn't always recognize me anyway. It was good to see that she is well cared for, but I missed being able to give her a hug and kiss. This terrible disease makes life very different. But one thing I realized during the months that I couldn't visit is that the memory care staff were taking good care of her, better than I could have done. My mother is also in an excellent facility where there have been no positive cases of covid for residents.

Why should you contain your emotions?
You show and tell the person just how much you have missed them and how happy you are that you can now start visiting again