My grandmother is approaching the age of 102 this year. I relayed before that my mother is doing all the caregiving, while my husband agreed to pay for her nursing home costs, which are $4K a month. This has been going on two years. The rest of the family has completely ghosted. No visiting, no financial help. It is what it is.
Last night my gran slumped over during dinner, and was completely unresponsive. They managed to get her in her bed, and it took a long time to get her to come to. My mom rushed over, and says that she couldn't talk for a while, but then slowly regained speech.
We talked about taking her to a hospital, but she has no health care. Not a US citizen. We've paid thousands in hospital bills in the last five years. We both feel so horribly guilty about our emotions and decisions. Do we treat her? Do we allow nature to take its course? I can't ask my husband for any more money. I feel like we're playing God, and it's all in the name of money.
Hospice has come in twice and she didn't qualify either time. She doesn't have any health issues, just dementia and sheer age-related difficulty.
I can't even tell my husband about gran's episode because I'm so afraid that I'll detect that he's relieved she might go soon, and that will make me upset, yet he's in his right to feel that way. It's been a big financial burden for him for two years, and she's not even his grandmother.
I wish an angel of mercy would take my grandmother. She's a shell of her former self, and my poor mother has been caring for her for 20 years. Her golden years are gone. I want to relieve my husband of this financial burden but feel guilty that my wish is based on finances.
We are all feeling like crap over here! Thank you for listening!
Edited to add: I looked up this type of episode, and it seems possible it was a transient ischemic attack - mini stroke. Again, really struggling if we should treat or not treat. When she was in the hospital five years ago with double pneumonia I recall she had a DNR bracelet.