After Lord only knows how long it has been--actually, since Mother's Day with my narc mother and Father's Day with my passive aggressive narc grandmother, I called my mother today. Why, oh freakin' why?
A bit of history; last year in May, my grandmother was in the hospital after having heart surgery. My narc sister comes from out of town and I meet her and the narc mom at the hospital to see this grandmother. The sis was already acting narcish, or weird in other words, when she texted me earlier to 'ask' that I come with her to get our nails done, because she was in severe need of a manicure! And that she was glad I was coming out, as if this was really about seeing her and not the grandmother at the hospital. I didn't even respond, but knew this visit was going to be aggravating as hell.
So, (as posted last year) at the hospital, all seemed well until out of nowhere, the sister started in on me why I haven't moved for years (mind you, I own my own co-op apartment) and didn't suggest, but practically demanded that I use my equity to find something else, like in the next town. Then she marches out of the room to go buy something for the grandma while I was answering back. Nuts.
Later while driving her and the mom back, she started in on me again, this time about an ex-friend of mine (a whole other related issue as she is also my mother's neighbor and somewhat instrusive in my family business which makes it even worse, thus the 'ex').
I basically said she is minding her business and to mind hers. She yelled from the back seat F** you and I yelled that back saying B**, because I was tired from the time she got to town (and years before that). That's when she pulled my hair and hit me in the back of the head WHILE I'm driving.
By the grace of God, I was able to get out the car to face her and let's just say I did what I needed to do to stop her. The mother is yelling to stop it, though she is the Queen Narc and thus had been instigating this. I was busy thinking how she could've shut it down a long time ago by not letting her think these things she pulls is okay! But again, she has always loved creating the conflicts that this weak minded sister eats right on up.
Fast forward back to now, it's been VLC, especially with this sister and mother. So I made this once in a blue moon call to the mother and as usual as if we just talked yesterday, she launches right in about this sister. And it turns out the sister is getting a divorce from her wonderful husband, moving back to town soon enough and already has new male companion supply that lives in my town. Crazy, right? I think this mother expected to catch me off guard, but it really didn't.
She had the narc nerve to tell me I was 'still' holding a grudge against this sister, I guess after not sounding so concerned. I told her in an even tone that they may call it a grudge, I cannot help or control how they see it, but I call it keeping myself out of harm's way and that it wasn't even up for debate; because I know she expects me to be in contact with her. Hell, I'm barely in touch with her own self! Also, I said I was happy where my mother's concerned, as far as her moving back here, as she and grandmother are elderly and live alone. But I didn't appreciate how they have treated me after years of supporting them with situations.
So, I'd like to ask what you guys think? Did I say the right things, or give this narc mother too much information about staying out of the way to keep from being harmed and not appreciating the bad treatment; as these narcs love using that against us? Or, should I get something clear with both her and this sis who is supposedly moving back here, that I will not be bothered with them? (been very hard to get across to them, so basically worked on myself). Any other insights?
Thanks for shedding any light, as of course my goal is to keep myself safe and at peace, as I have been working on myself with tools like meditating, sites like this and school.