I decided not to have children because my mother was a 1st class narcissistic and my father was what we used to call "lacking a backbone" he would be told what to think, not reason for himself, completely manipulated by this emotionally destructive spouse whom he privately hated yet loved, which made me Very fussy about the men I dated, dad was a type I felt O respect for. I did not have Any of my needs met until I left home at 18 yrs. and had to judge the character of those I spent my time with. I feared that I would follow her pattern of behavior even though I was Never attracted to self absorbed, demeaning, petty & demanding types.

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My mother, her mother, and her grandmother were all controlling and abusive, so I went so far as to not have children, afraid that I would be the same. The good news is that I've not regretted it, as my younger husband and I are able to do a lot of things we probably wouldn't have if we had children. We have 5 indoor cats, a dog, a horse, and a donkey, and did horse, cat, and dog rescue for over 20 years....
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I'm so sorry, I know its tough. Please don't let the past dictate your future. I wish I had considered counselling or joining support group. Or talking it out here on this forum. I too have a difficult mother. And never thought I could have kids either because of her. Trying to so hard to make a fresh start. I know its a lot easier said than done, but I'm going to try. Day by day.
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Are you taking care of her now? I don't think we really ever overcome the early wounds inflicted by narcissistic or otherwise mentally ill parents, but we do learn to go on in spite of them.
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