Maybe go about it a different way. Mom refused to admit she had dementia although we all knew she did. We told her we needed to rule out any medical issues,,,brain tumor, clogged arteries in the neck, etc. That got her to a neurologist for and MRI and some testing. Once she got an official diagnosis the neurologist talked her into taking Aricept. She loves her neurologist so that makes it much easier. I keep the neurologist informed of what I’m seeing and we visit her office every 3 months. But she’s in the later stages now and STILL is in denial that she has ALZ.
Has she been "formally" diagnosed with dementia? This is getting to the end of the year, Open Enrollment time for Insurance. Can you tell her that she has to see a doctor before the end of the year? There are medications that can slow the progress, not all will work, none will work forever and none will reverse the damage done. If she has been formally diagnosed and she is on medications there is not much that a neurologist can do. Other than monitoring the progression but you can do that simply by observing her change. I suppose the only exception to this would be to get the Correct form of dementia diagnosed. It does give you a better idea what to expect. And with Lewy Body Dementia (often associated with Parkinson's) there are some medications that should NOT be given. The best thing you can do is be informed as much as you possibly can be. Learn to ASK for help Learn to ACCEPT help Make sure you see an Elder Care Attorney to make sure all the paperwork you need is up to date. If you have chosen someone to be YOUR POA for health and finances make sure they know where the information is. (great pamphlet called "5 Wishes" helps a lot with some of the information you need to organize. Start early on getting someone in to help out. A caregiver a few hours a day 1 or 2 days a week to start you will need more help later but get your wife used to someone other than you helping her.
This can be the time a therapeutic fib may become necessary. In other words, a lie in her best interests. Tell her insurance requires a visit to maintain coverage. Give the doctor a heads up prior to the visit about what you’re seeing. It may be best to start with her regular doctor and have them refer her to a neurologist, a trusted doctor can often get this accomplished. And know that discussing her memory issues isn’t beneficial to either of you, she’s likely not capable of being rational about it, plus she’s in fear of what may be to come, so no more talk about it, just be supportive and reassuring.
Jerry: My bride of 30 years became suddenly ill on a Sept. night, 2020. It was the most scary thing I had experienced in our marriage. There was no fever, no signs of sickness, just SUDDEN confusion. It turned out to be that her TSH levels were off the charts. But that started us on many difficult, and sometimes, unwanted doctor visits. There were times I did have to trick my wife into going to the doctor. She would be so very angry with me over it, and I too hated it. She is the love of my life and I care for her very, very much. But I did what I had to do to get some answers. And everything I did do, I never did with anger! After 6 months of doctor visits, two hospitalizations (again unwanted by her) 5 doctors (yes 5) all agreed that it was Alzheirmer's dementia, that was magnified by the high TSH levels. She recovered from an abnormal TSH level, but her confusion and forgetfulness have never returned to normal. I cannot tell you how sad this makes me. Please disregard Riley's comments. You cannot threaten a person with dementia. Quite frankly, one who has a cognition problem is not able to reason. Treat your bride with tenderness and understanding. Treat her with dignity! Would you not want the same? Luke 6:38 says, "Give and it shall be given unto you." Whatever you dish out the same will be dished to you. Oh, how I long for forgiveness for all the things I've done wrong in this very tough journey. May my wife know that I love her beyond imagination and may she feel secure in the love and treatment I show her.
What do you think someone with dementia would be able to discuss? Nothing. There's nothing to talk about with her, and there are no magic pills to make it go away. A neurologist could possibly tell you what kind of dementia she has, but that's about it.
Your comment about not being able to discuss anything with a person living with dementia simply perpetuates the stigma of the condition. It is a myth that one cannot converse with someone with dementia. Someone with dementia, and even early Alzheimer's, can still be productive, coherent, and live a near normal life. Never consider anyone with dementia as just waiting to die. There have been books written on the achievements of Alzheimer's patients long after they have been diagnosed.
How bad is her condition? Do you have to provide a lot of care? Is she safe to be alone? Denial is VERY common. Even when people are fairly advanced in their dementia. So, that really doesn't matter. You can see how she behaves and what the issues are. You KNOW she has an issue but she does not need to admit it or discuss it. It would be nice if she would, but don't push it.
If you need help, get it now. Get someone to clean the house. Someone to do errands. Someone to sit with her or take her somewhere. Get yourself a break. Caring for someone 24/7, if that's what you're doing, is exhausting and you deserve time for yourself too.
Do some reading about dementia and how to deal with it. Take care of yourself.
I don't know if it would work I would tell her that there are medications that slow this disease down but we have to see a dr to get them. They do have medications to slow it down my BIL was put on Namzaric which has 2 different medicines in one pill that slowed down his. He was put on it about 3 yrs ago. I hope she will listen to you. Prayers
Ensure that you have POAs as required in place, if she doesn't want to discuss the dementia but knows she has a memory problem then picking the right time and getting her co-operation in ensuring you have the paperwork "in case" you need it would be useful. Other than that if she doesn't want to discuss it now or see anyone now, then all you can do is have some patience until she does agree to talk with someone, or arrange for someone to come to the house and assess by chat as opposed to in a Drs office. There is not a lot visiting a professional can tell you if you already have a diagnosis the time you will need them is when some medication may help with symptoms. Don't get stressed over talking to a professional join a local or online group where others are in the same position as you, see if there is a coffee morning or similar where people in your position meet and get used to going whilst she has early problems so that she feels safe in the environment as she gets worse. Look after YOU - and take things as they come, every situation is different, deal with things as they arise and try not to worry about doing the same as every one else at any particular time.
These people will NEVER ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM - It will get worse and worse and if you keep them around you, God have mercy on you. Trick her, via a lunch or whatever means, or take someone with you when you take her out and by whatever means get her seen by a specialist. Also talk with an eldercare attorney to see what you can do to "take over" as a POA, etc. This happens all the time and there is help available. Also contact the local Social Services in the Office on Aging. If nothing works, and you tried everything, I would lay the law down and set rules and boundaries and tell her she either cooperates or you walk away and leave her. Sometimes that works - and if not, consider it anyway. Don't let her behavior harm YOU. It is her problem, not yours. Get tough with these people - being nice does not work with dementia people.
“These people” deserve kindness and compassion. This is a complete misunderstanding of what boundaries are and what they mean. Of course it’s not just “her problem” as it affects the entire family. We should all watch our judgments as this could any day be any of us
I don’t think abandoning a person because they “might”, have dementia is right. Have her get a regular physical and let her primary decide. He would be talking to her directly, with you in the room. He would make any referrals or testing. Then it’s not you saying it. Married people are suppose to support each other, not run at the first sign of decline. Even if she’s difficult it’s normal, and adjusting is part of the “in sickness and in health,” part of the marriage. Hiring outside help is fine, so husband isn’t overburdened.
This is getting to the end of the year, Open Enrollment time for Insurance. Can you tell her that she has to see a doctor before the end of the year?
There are medications that can slow the progress, not all will work, none will work forever and none will reverse the damage done.
If she has been formally diagnosed and she is on medications there is not much that a neurologist can do. Other than monitoring the progression but you can do that simply by observing her change.
I suppose the only exception to this would be to get the Correct form of dementia diagnosed. It does give you a better idea what to expect. And with Lewy Body Dementia (often associated with Parkinson's) there are some medications that should NOT be given.
The best thing you can do is be informed as much as you possibly can be.
Learn to ASK for help
Learn to ACCEPT help
Make sure you see an Elder Care Attorney to make sure all the paperwork you need is up to date. If you have chosen someone to be YOUR POA for health and finances make sure they know where the information is.
(great pamphlet called "5 Wishes" helps a lot with some of the information you need to organize.
Start early on getting someone in to help out. A caregiver a few hours a day 1 or 2 days a week to start you will need more help later but get your wife used to someone other than you helping her.
My bride of 30 years became suddenly ill on a Sept. night, 2020. It was the most scary thing I had experienced in our marriage. There was no fever, no signs of sickness, just SUDDEN confusion. It turned out to be that her TSH levels were off the charts. But that started us on many difficult, and sometimes, unwanted doctor visits. There were times I did have to trick my wife into going to the doctor. She would be so very angry with me over it, and I too hated it. She is the love of my life and I care for her very, very much. But I did what I had to do to get some answers. And everything I did do, I never did with anger!
After 6 months of doctor visits, two hospitalizations (again unwanted by her) 5 doctors (yes 5) all agreed that it was Alzheirmer's dementia, that was magnified by the high TSH levels. She recovered from an abnormal TSH level, but her confusion and forgetfulness have never returned to normal. I cannot tell you how sad this makes me.
Please disregard Riley's comments. You cannot threaten a person with dementia. Quite frankly, one who has a cognition problem is not able to reason. Treat your bride with tenderness and understanding. Treat her with dignity! Would you not want the same?
Luke 6:38 says, "Give and it shall be given unto you." Whatever you dish out the same will be dished to you. Oh, how I long for forgiveness for all the things I've done wrong in this very tough journey. May my wife know that I love her beyond imagination and may she feel secure in the love and treatment I show her.
If you need help, get it now. Get someone to clean the house. Someone to do errands. Someone to sit with her or take her somewhere. Get yourself a break. Caring for someone 24/7, if that's what you're doing, is exhausting and you deserve time for yourself too.
Do some reading about dementia and how to deal with it. Take care of yourself.
Other than that if she doesn't want to discuss it now or see anyone now, then all you can do is have some patience until she does agree to talk with someone, or arrange for someone to come to the house and assess by chat as opposed to in a Drs office. There is not a lot visiting a professional can tell you if you already have a diagnosis the time you will need them is when some medication may help with symptoms. Don't get stressed over talking to a professional join a local or online group where others are in the same position as you, see if there is a coffee morning or similar where people in your position meet and get used to going whilst she has early problems so that she feels safe in the environment as she gets worse. Look after YOU - and take things as they come, every situation is different, deal with things as they arise and try not to worry about doing the same as every one else at any particular time.
Have her get a regular physical and let her primary decide.
He would be talking to her directly, with you in the room.
He would make any referrals or testing.
Then it’s not you saying it.
Married people are suppose to support each other, not run at the first sign of decline.
Even if she’s difficult it’s normal, and adjusting is part of the “in sickness and in health,” part of the marriage.
Hiring outside help is fine, so husband isn’t overburdened.
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