We were taking a short walk along the country road in front of our house. He got dizzy and fell into the ditch. He insisted he would rather crawl home than to let me get the car and drive him the rest of the way. I ignored him and got the car. This is one of many examples.

Peggy321: Imho, you should have taken him to be checked out at the hospital after he fell into the ditch. How else would you know if he suffered a head bump or perhaps broke a bone, even so if he is resistant to care? YOU call the shots.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Llamalover47

Was he able to walk after falling? If yes, he should still be checked out.,My 94 year old mother with dementia started falling a lot…& lots of trips back & forth to ER. Now she’s not able to walk at all for 5 years. Can’t really support her body or even turn in bed when asked to.
Hugs 🤗
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Reply to CaregiverL

My father's vascular dementia meant he was resistant to taking his medications, exercise of any kind, and eating foods that were good for him (like more fiber), etc. Dad was far more resistant with the family than he was with the nursing staff or in-home PT techs. Eventually when Mom's health was impacted by her caregiving, we placed Dad in a Memory Care where the staff did the medication management and Dad's health improved at once; I believe because he was taking his medication as prescribed for the first time in years.

With dementia, there may come a time when your husband is not really happy anywhere - with anyone. Please consider he may deal better with the staff at a good MC than with family at some point. A good MC where you are available to see him. can take him for walks at the facility or a local park, and make sure he has adequate care may be a better care choice (for both of you) than him remaining at home. Be open to the possibility at some point in this journey.

In my state, Medicaid will pay at least a certain amount for AL/MC when someone qualifies for it. See an elderly law attorney and consider what your financial options may be.
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Reply to TNtechie

You would know your husband's level of comprehension better than anyone here would.
If he's still together well enough mentally to have understanding, speak very plainly. Tell him that if he refuses medical care or any kind of assistance something serious will happen, and when it does it will result in him being put into a nursing home. Then explain that no one including yourself wants to see that happen, but it will be out of your hands because you won't be able to take care of him on your own.
Sometimes when a person is told plainly they understand.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver

If your husband has a cardiac condition, does he frequently have dizzy spells?

Does he take blood pressure medications and/or diuretics?
Those medications tend to work against the body's natural mechanisms to keep blood pressure high enough for the brain when changing positions. If he takes these medications, he needs to get up slowly and stand/sit for a few moments before moving.

Do his dizzy spells come on suddenly and without provocation/exertion?
A holter monitor, wearable EKG, for a couple days, could find out which heart rhythm patterns he is having and guide the doctor to appropriate treatment options. If he won't comply with this, then try to get him to use a cane of walker when he is walking.
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Reply to Taarna

My husband also has dementia and has always been a self sufficient proud man. I cannot begin to fathom how it must feel going thru what they are. Speak to his doctor and have him prescribe a mild anxiety med as I did with my husband. Everything began to be an argument and I knew it would and was getting worse. It has made a big difference for him and he is not as agitated. They will never accept what is happening to them because they don’t understand but know that he won’t the same. Be patient but always communicate to the doctor what he is experiencing. I keep a journal for when something new is happening because it is impossible to remember it all but important to his doctor to know. Enjoy the time you have together…
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Reply to LMarrero

Let him do as he pleases and only step in in an emergency situation like him falling in the ditch tho if he just slipped then you could have just helped him out and if he seemed OK let him walk home.
It's harder for some Seniors to accept that they can't do what they use to.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to bevthegreat
schwester Sep 21, 2021
I wouldn't be able to help an adult out of a ditch. And who knows if he remembers how to get home...
Has he always been resistant to health care of any kind? If so, there's not much you can do and he will have to live with the consequences of his decisions. So how was his heart condition and dementia diagnosed? What was the cause of his fall? Dementia can cause instability and result in a person falling. However, I don't think a person would become dizzy first. You say he has a heart condition. Poor blood flow to the brain will cause dizziness and result in a fall. Does he have low blood pressure? Is he on any meds that could cause dizziness? He may have had a mini stroke. He needs to see a dr. ASAP, not for his dementia, but for his heart problem. You can buy a BP monitor from a local drugstore. Ignore his irritability as you did when you got the car. Tell him he must see a dr. for your peace of mind.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to sjplegacy

Ditto to what BarbBrooklyn and 97yroldmom posted to you. Yes, he will be resistant to in-home help so maybe start sneaking it in by hiring what helps both of you: housecleaning, yard work, repairs and maintenance, errands, meal prep. You tell him it's for you. When the time comes you can maybe seek a male companion/aid for him from an agency. I think he'd be more receptive to a guy. This person can drive him places, watch tv with him, help with his hygiene. Your hubs should have his depression/anxiety and dizziness addressed. At that doc appointment make sure to discretely ask for a cognitive/memory test for him if he doesn't already have one in his records.

Also, when he's in a better mood you might want to take him to visit an AL that has a good reputation ("for you") to show him they're not the horrible, scary places that he heard about in his youth.

I'm hoping he has all his legal ducks in a row for your sake: DPoA, Advance Health Care Directive (Living Will), estate planning for Last Will, etc. Depending on your financial condition meeting with a Medicaid Planner would be money well spent. Even if he doesn't go to these appointments, you should go yourself so you can be prepared. And if you have adult children who are your PoAs they should be informed of what this all means and kept in the loop even if it feels "early". Blessings to you!
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Geaton777

So, dementia has robbed him of his reasoning ability. You now need to do the "executive functioning" for him. And you did! Good for you.

Irritability is one symptom of depression. Is that being treated adequately?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

You seem to have it down. I say that because you went and got the car anyway.
The only thing I can suggest is if tending your DH is causing you to “go nuts” then hire help. He will fuss but he does anyway. Take breaks that are long enough to revive you. Make sure you hire someone who can see past the attitude.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to 97yroldmom

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