My parents need care but will not accept help. What should I do?
My 86 year old mother has mild alzhimers (which is getting worse) my 89 year old father is total care, on oxygen 24/7 and cannot do care for himself in any way. He still is of mostly sound mind. My parents live in a 5000 sq foot home and refuse to leave or get help. I am here on a family leave from work (live in another city 2 hours away) and only came because my mother fell and came to help my Dad. When I came, I realized that everything is not okay, Every day there is some sort of problem or mistake. For example. bills not paid and sent to the wrong company, leaving the stove on, can't figure out how to even use the phone sometimes. My mother still has her drivers license (restricted) which is scary, My mother takes multiple medications for Alzhimers, and heart disease. She states that she does not need the medicine but sometimes takes it and sometimes doesnt. I put the meds in daily containers and constantly remind her to take them. I have talked with their friends, their church, their doctor, APS was also called (idk who called them), they spent 5 minutes here and my parents stated they did not need help so the case was closed. I feel that if I left as my mother wishes (my dad wants us to stay, he realizes they need help but is bullied by my mom into having us leave) that it would be unethical, unsafe and I get a knot in my stomach when I think of even consider leaving. No one will help us or they dont have the nerve to tell them (including me) that is is not safe. My doctor whom i spoke to about this suggested that I call APS again and put it into their hands. I feel so scared. I want to be respectful of my parents wishes but I cannot in good conscience leave them. What do most people do in this situation and can and who is available to help me. My time is running out from work leave and I need help!!!! Thanks for any suggestions. Again, my mother is very stubborn and aggitated and absolutely will not accept any help of any kind. I feel as though it would be neglect to leave them alone. Also my parents scream and yell at each other all the time, I grew up in a happy and healthy household, never used to fight. What should I do?????? HELP!!