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My 84 yo mom has dementia and lives alone in a 2 story house. We live in NC, and summer and the humidity have hit hard now that it’s June.


Whenever we go to check on her she has turned the thermostat to heat instead of AC. Recently, after my sister took her to the beach for a week, they got her home to find out she’d left the heat on all week and the inside temp was 85! It’s summer in the South! I’ve told her she does not need to turn the heat on for the next 4 months, but I’m not sure if she just can’t figure out how to work it anymore.


Should we have the thermostat changed to one we can operate by app? Or is there any other way to monitor/control it? I’m aware that she does get cold because she’s on Eliquis, but I'm also worried she might suffer in her sleep from the heat!

Your mother should not be living alone with dementia. Turning the heat on in summer is just one of many reasons why. Leaving the stove on and causing a fire is another. There are 100 dangerous situations she can find herself in now, and dehydration from sweltering heat is just one. She can no longer remember instructions or use logic and reasoning, either. Mom needs full time in home help now or placement in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility.

Good luck to you.
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MS3219 Jun 12, 2025
Thank you and agree with you 100%. As with all families there are dynamics that have to be navigated through and we are in that process…but you know it’s not simple or quick! In the meantime the t-stat was just a “current situation” that I’m trying to manage from 3 states away. You’re def right about not being able to remember instructions or really anything “new.” Discovered this yesterday when dr changed her med schedule…
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One of you should really go stay with her for a week and see just how impaired she is. My MIL could put on a pretty good show but in her house there were her thyroid pills scattered all over the dining room table, unopened mail, food rotting in the fridge, the bathroom was a disaster, and when I went through her bank statements she had $930+ in overdraft fees. She kept forgetting where she put her checkbook so would go or call her bank for more checks. We found 12 boxes of checks. She had randomly written partial info in the multiple registers. I agree she may be beyond safely living by herself now but you need to know for sure before it culminates in a crisis. Hopefully she has an assigned PoA. If so, this person needs to read the document and start the process of getting it activated. Maybe it's durable, which would be great. You're at the very beginning of this journey with her. THis forum has lots and lots of very valuable information. Come back with any further questions or problems.
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MS3219 Jun 12, 2025
Yep, I’m POA and we have hired a consultant that helps with these transitions…we are in process of making these difficult decisions bc she never would make a plan so now we are forced to REACT to the circumstances when she should have been proactive after my dad died and made a plan like we begged her to. She thought she could always stay in her home but never anticipated dementia setting in after a stroke last year.
Agree, this forum has been SO helpful to me!!
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Seems your real issue is that she can no longer live alone. She will not remember to leave the thermostat alone. She will continue to change the thermostat. The only way to prevent this is to have people with her to prevent this.
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MS3219 Jun 12, 2025
Absolutely agree with you.
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There is no way she should be living alone. This is a giant red flag of why. She is going to die because she is living along with a dying brain.

In the meantime with you all trying to figure out where she goes now, buy a white Sensi smart thermostat on Amazon so you can change her ac and heat from your phone or iPad.
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Bulldog54321 Jun 9, 2025
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01NB1OB0I?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1
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I had the same issue. We installed the Nest and control the system via Alexa app. If the temp needs to be changed I can be contacted and adjust it. Very easy solution.
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Isabelsdaughter Jun 12, 2025
Great idea.
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You can buy a plastic box to cover it, comes with a lock, she won't be able to fiddle with it. Inexpensive fix.
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MS3219 Jun 13, 2025
She’d take a hammer to that right away.😂
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An easy fix is a remotely programmable thermostat.

However,

Today it's the thermostat tomorrow it's the gas stove, or doors unlocked etc etc. She needs to be in senior care for dementia patients, before she harms or kills herself.
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I have to say that what got my attention immediately in your post was that your mom is 84, has dementia, and lives alone in a two-story home. All kinds of red flags screamed at me that she shouldn't be in that house. Two floors is a danger to anyone who is 84, much more to someone with dementia. The next problem is she lives alone. Really, no one with dementia should be living alone. If she can't figure out the thermostat, I'd worry about her turning on the oven. And I say all of this from a place of love because I, too, have a mom with dementia. Is there any way to sell that house and put her in assisted living? I know it's not my business, but I'd worry about her in that home by herself. The problem of controlling the thermostat, as you see by all the posts, is easy.
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MS3219 Jun 13, 2025
Thank you for your empathy. I’m sorry you’re going through something similar. Agree 100% and my siblings and I are in the process of figuring out how to navigate getting her into a safe situation. We’ve hired a consultant/nurse/mediator bc currently only my sister lives nearby. She handles the visits, takes her to Dr appts and dinner with her family (“good cop”). I am POA and handle all the “bad cop” stuff like finances, home maintenance, etc. Our mom is THE MOST stubborn and anxious person I’ve ever known and frankly, none of us are looking forward to the kicking, screaming and clawing that will ensue when we tell her it’s time to move. Part of me says to leave her be and just have CGs come in-she wants to stay in her home. The other part says she didn’t predict this ever coming but life throws curveballs and she’s gonna have to adjust whether she likes it or not.
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Put new batteries in her smoke detectors.
She's likely to leave the stove or oven on.
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MS3219 Jun 12, 2025
Good point. Her OCD has her checking and rechecking the stove & oven, but these are all warning signs, I’m aware.
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Older people, people with dementia and those on some medications often feel cold due to improper circulation.
There are locks you can put on the controls.
If you put on/in a "smart" thermostat YOU can control it from your phone.
But..this is not the real problem.
Your mom with dementia living alone is the problem.
I am of the belief that a person that has been diagnosed with dementia should not be living alone. There are so many things that can go wrong so quickly.
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