My dad died when I was in college and I have been very close to my mom and have supported her financially for over 25 years. She is now 91 and I and her neighbor really takes great care of her, but I wanted to be her caretaker and spend these last years with her. I developed chronic illnesses 10 years ago and asked my mom to please move in with me as I no longer work and it is getting tough supporting two households. I had planned to get help to get her to a doctor since getting out in the mornings are difficult for me. She refused. I agreed to move there but the house needed renovation due to my illness and I was honest that I was a bit unhappy about moving there since I know nobody where she lives. She did not fix up the house so I told her I could not move there. My mom had a breakdown and the doctors say it is because she is worried about my health and they won't let me talk to her. It is now 6 weeks since we have spoken. So now I have guilt, sadness, anxiety and worry over her breakdown and stress that I will still need to continue to support two separate homes indefinitely. I am told she is getting better and the neighbor is helping her but she has not called me in 6 weeks. I am at a loss what to do.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Write a snail mail letter and tell her that you are missing the contact with her, and would like to talk any time she is willing. Perhaps repeat the offer every few months. If she isn’t willing, don’t feel guilty and get on with your own life.
Helpful Answer (1)

Can you look at this from another perspective? You now have time to focus on your own health and welfare. Take a good look at your finances and budget. There is no reason for you to be giving your mother financial support for 25 years. You have enabled her to make decisions that are harmful to your health.

It could be that Mum's breakdown was her finally realizing how much harm she is causing you, or is could be that she is scared about what will happen if you no longer support her.

There is no reason for you to feel guilty about your Mum's breakdown. You did not cause it any more than you choose to have a chronic medical condition.

Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to? Often having an impartial third party, can help you to see the big picture for both of you.
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter