Hello, I am sending my regards to all of you caring for a beloved one. It is a tough job that takes a lot of heart and soul.
For the past several years, my elderly mother (94) shows signs of mild dementia (on and off) requiring tremendous efforts from us (husband and myself), as she needs to be supported in most daily functions.
As her "LAST WISH" she wanted to travel overseas and see my sibling and her grandchildren. He (sibling) has financial problems and the only way he can have her, is to have access to her savings. (I've been covering her full expenses, so she's been saving her money for years).
After her persistence, we arranged for her to travel with family friends. But her stay of 2 days now is difficult already.
On day 1 of her arrival, my brother requested her savings account information, whereas she was loud about not wishing to give him her money. He considers that we knew his problematic financial status, and takes these savings for granted. At the same time, although I warned her, my mom was not prepared to see my brother's neediness, and somehow conditional invitation (you can stay as long as i am reimbursed).
SO here is the problem: mom mentioned she wants to come back to me, as she cannot be independent in her own home, and he cannot afford to take her to all the nice places she wants e.g. daily excursions, visits to friends etc. unless she pays him.
Brother is not happy to give her back to me, as she is his source of income. I suspect he intends to keep her, as every time I ask her where she wants to stay, he will either turn up the tv volume to make our telecon impossible, or he won't answer the phone for several times when I call.
On one hand I don't blame him for not being able to afford her demands.
On the other hand, I've been working REALLY hard to afford her demands, with little appreciation or understanding from family.
Question 1: should I bring her back to me, if she tells me she's not well there?
Question 2: do I have the legal right to take her from brother? Among her immigration documents, she included a letter saying she wants to be with me till the end of her life.
Whatever she decides, my support is for granted: I have been supporting her financially for decades now ( i am middle-aged), and both mom and siblings (15 years older than me) expect me to keep on supporting her, no matter if she is with me or with them.
Her friends tell me that since she changes her mind from one day to another, we cannot win, as she can keep on changing her mind once i bring her here with me.
This all feels like a scary voyage to the unknown.
Any advise on what to do PLEASE?