My sister and I plan on a full day day care facility - but my sister is being extremely overprotective of her, I guess I cannot accept that my mother is fading away. What do we do?

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lfrederick, you are a blessing in your husband's life. What you have done is not an easy thing to do. I am a 24/7 caregiver to my mother, and agree that the effort is more than worth it to be able to see my mother in a non-institutional setting round the clock. An institution is cool when it works the way it should. It is never the same like being in one's own familiar surroundings. May you continue to be blessed with the strength to do what you are doing. TinaAnn, home health aide agency or respite care is always available, but it all depends on what you want to do. Sounds like you are having a hard time letting go. If that's the case, you may want to ease your way into respite care if that is what you are thinking. How do you envision this stage of your Mom's care may be the real question. Until you answer that, the options that are available to you may not mean much.
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Hi There,
I am caregiving 24/7 for my husband who had a cerebral hemmorage 2 years ago. He is wheelchair bound and can not walk. The first thing I did was to make sure we had a wheelchair access into the house. I also got a bath bench and raised toilet stool for the bathroom so I can shower him and get him to the toilet. The next thing is finding a respite person once or so a week so I could go to the store or whatever. Eventually we bought a turny seat for the car so I can take him out. He is now able to use the basket scooters at the store, and I am srill trying to figure out how to get help with house modifications beyond what I have done. It is very hard work, and no financial help, but well worth the effort to enjoy him in my life. Your mom too can age in place.
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Hello TinaAnn,

How about 'aging in place'? that's where you hire caregivers to care for your mom in her own home. That's if her home could serve that purpose.

It is a very hard thing to see our parents decline and it can really knock you out. If you and your sister can work together to complete the goal that is the best, of course. What you don't want is disagreement between the two of you because that will make the coming tasks emotionally impossible and believe me, this is tough enough without the acrimony of siblings fighting over what is ultimately the same thing: the care of your mom.

Get help. That you must do. There are resources online where you can start to learn about your options. You have found this site which is brilliant on your part because the caregivers here have been through EVERYTHING.

If you can get away with a day care facility at this time then go for it, but would your mom be alone the rest of the time?

Your sister is feeling the pain too with the overprotectiveness because she feels helpless and it manifests itself with wanting to micromanage the minute by minute day of mom. I speak from experience on that one because that's how my feelings made themselves known: I was extremely overprotective of her and the next phase of that is that I became a Royal Pain in the A**.

Enjoy your mom and do things together with you and your sister because time will pass and it will all go away. Show your sister this site and you guys will do the right thing and when it is over, and one day it will be over, you and your sister can look back and know that you made good decisions on behalf of your mom and be proud that you were both good daughters who loved their mom so much and it showed!

You both are lucky to have each other. And your mom is lucky to have 2 women who are going to advocate for her to make sure that she is safe and sound.

Good Luck, you can do this!

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