My husband with mild/moderate Alzheimer’s butchered my camelias and azaleas today while I was at work My worry is, what's next? - AgingCare.com

My husband with mild/moderate Alzheimer’s butchered my camelias and azaleas today while I was at work My worry is, what's next?

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He had just gotten a new hedge trimmer, and clearly got carried away. We have never trimmed our camelias and never trimmed the azaleas like he did, cut way back at the wrong time of year. I was shocked and I know we may not have blooms for a couple of years. My father who planted them for my Mom and lives here with us, originally his home, is 92. I am devastated at the thought of him not being able to enjoy them again. My husband said I asked him to do it which I absolutely did not! My worry is just “what’s next!” He was diagnosed in May, but clearly already had dementia/AD for years. It seems to be advancing so quickly, with him struggling to find words and misinterpreting directions. What is next? I have to work and my 92 year old father who is reasonably healthy certainly cannot take care of my husband! He recently was told to quit driving and he thinks it is temporary, when he realizes it is not, he may lose it. He twists someone’s arm to take him for fast food, icees, shakes or smoothies almost daily. I am just so worried; I cannot afford to quit work.

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We have azaleas and camellias that are huge. Azaleas bloom in Late March or early April; camellias bloom in January. IF my husband cuts them back it will be when they finish blooming. We are in Zone 8.5 in the SE USA.

My husband is just the most unhandy man I’ve ever seen and butchers something in the yard regularly. I thought that was just him.

But with your dad being 92 years old you might have to move whoever is worse to a ALF. Or hire someone to stay with both of them while you’re gone from home.

My dad lives at my parents home and my mom lives at ALF. He’s active and is keeping things going. Mom is in fragile shape. Since dad was clueless about caregiving, mom needed more help.

I know the situation will change, I don’t know when but I’m watching my dad closely. It’s one day at a time.
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Reply to HolidayEnd
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Sorry to say, sounds like time to "put away" (hide) all the power tools and knives.

I know this is premature but I would apply for Medicaid for him now. That will save you the trouble later when he may need to be placed in a facility (if that's part of your long term plan).

Are there any family, close friends or church members that can come over during your work hours, to "oversee" what's going on? Could you afford a "sitter" disguised as a housekeeper?
Any way you could work from home?
Have you applied for any services he could receive from the government to lighten your financial load?
Is he a vet? Would he qualify for any services through VA?
Does he have Medicare, Social Security or disability? If not, he may be able to apply with the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.

Have you read up on the different stages of Alzheimer's? It's progressive. Do you have a long term plan in place?

I'm sorry your flowers are ruined but things could have been a lot worse with the hedge trimmer and confusion. I'm sure your father will understand that it isn't a malicious act. 

You will need to find help to supervise him as his dementia worsens. Your father can not be factored in this equation.

I'm so sorry. I'm sure this isn't how you envisioned your life to be.
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Reply to SueC1957
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Terri, so sad. Maybe they will thrive being cut back and more beautiful than ever.
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Reply to gladimhere
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