I have recently sold our home because we were drowning in financial issues. We have finally found an apartment that will fit most of our needs. I wish it could be in a nice "assisted living" facility but have never found one that we can afford-period. And so in about three weeks, we will be moving. I have been packing and sorting and trying to donate items for nearly two months now, as I can do only a little each day. We will begin taking things to the apartment as soon as it becomes available. Of course my husband senses something is going on. I try to keep it simple, but he cannot understand what is happening from one day or even one hour to the next. I am asking for advice on how to handle the actual move. My idea is to have him stay at his daughter's for the day while the final move takes place and have two sons help me at the new apartment, then bring him over at some point when we are actually ready to spend the night. He often believes that he does not live at our current house, and that it is a hotel he is just visiting, so that is my real worry-that he will be even more confused. He is on seroquel for nighttime (and sometimes daytime) agitation and sleep, but even then he sometimes gets up and dresses himself to "go home", after falling asleep several times early in the evening. I hate that I am creating this new confusion for him, but it could not be helped.

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I agree with Barb - have his favorite chair in place when you bring him home. Don't tell him you've moved, as he probably is thinking of "home" now as his childhood home. Just a comfy landing pad while you are in this town briefly. It's ok to tell him this at the level of a 2 year old. That's where his broken brain is right now, so it will be comforting for you to tell him what he can understand, not the logical adult every detail truth.
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Different subject -- but when you were comparing costs of an ALF, were you factoring in meals?

My 4-bedroom house is really too big for me, but so far the "downsizing" options I've looked at will be more expensive. (I don't need assistance -- yet)

Sigh. Who knew the finances of old age would be so complicated? :-(
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It could not be helped. You are doing the best you can in the circumstances you find yourself in. DON'T let guilt intrude at all. Non of this is your fault.

I think you have a good plan for the actual move. Bring husband in when the apartment has his familiar things in place. If he considers it a hotel -- so what? He considers your current place a hotel. (My husband did, too, when it wasn't a train station or a high school.)

If he says "How long are we staying in this hotel," say something like, "I don't know, but it seems like a very good place, so maybe we'll stay put for a while. There is a nice park just down the street. Would you like to take a picnic there for lunch?" Don't try to correct him. Say something reassuring. Change the subject.
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