My mother lives in assisted living, has memory issues and is determined to move back home. What can we do?


move back to "that place where she lived with her husband and raised her children" which is my hometown which is not where she lives. I actually live in my hometown (small town) but hope to move to the city where she is and where my brother lives. How can we reverse that thought process of hers? That's all she talks constantly. She doesn't remember 5 minutes ago, so telling her anything does no good.

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Elfc158, as 97yroldmom advised, assure you mom that you'll take her tomorrow. I've been telling my 96-year-old dad for more than four years that I'll take him "home" tomorrow (to his childhood home where he last lived 78 years ago and where he thinks his mom and dad still live). He asks that question almost daily, often multiple times daily, and I give him the same answer, usually prefaced with something like "It's too late tonight, so get a good night's sleep and good breakfast in the morning and then we can go." He'll reply with something like "Okay, that's a good plan." Then we repeat as often as needed.
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Reply to bicycler

Look at the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. They will help you understand how to handle this. You can’t change or reverse her thought process. Neither can she. What she says to you is as real to her as your life is to you. Don’t try to reason With her. This is very tiresome to both of you.
Assure her you will go tomorrow or as soon as the house is repainted or when you can take the time from work or whatever seems to satisfy her in the moment. Then change the subject.
We are planning to go next week, would you like to try this new ice cream?
As you said, she can’t rememver five minutes ago. Make the present moment pleasant and move on.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

Oh my OverTheEdge17...we r so much on the same page my mother also thinks she can live on her own back in her apartment..she has moderate dementia but is in nursing facility for same reasons yours is...she cries and wants to go home says she needs no help bathing even though urine/bowel incontinent..tells aides she needs no help getting cleaned up but then gets mad if they don’t help her get cleaned up...good luck in dealing with this..hope u handle it better than I do...leaves me with a lot of guilt but I tried my best for 2 I’ve made the best decision for least she takes her meds in there and doesn’t try to throw it away or hide
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Reply to Byathread

I'm searching for this answer as well. I've been told by the experts that some people who have been living in facilities upwards of 20 years still believe they are getting out one day. As sad as that is, It helped me to hear that because I felt less alone. I am hoping it helps you in some small way as well. You are not alone and your problem is very common with no simple answer. the elderly just get on a track and that's all they know - their mind goes way back to the familiar. My family member does not seem to remember the horror of me trying to care for her at her home. she looks at me with a shrug and states that it's silly for her to be in a facility when she "doesn't need it." She really believes she's low-maintenance and would magically be independent if given the chance. Her mind isn't terrible, but she's in the nursing home for physical and medication reasons. We explain this to her over and over. And over. It never stops. She needs 24 hour care. I'd like her to be on the same page with me.
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Reply to OverTheEdge17