My Mom ignores me when she gets angry. Does this happen to anyone else? - AgingCare.com

My Mom ignores me when she gets angry. Does this happen to anyone else?

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Mom is 72 with end stage dementia. I am always the target of her anger and frustration, and I understand this. Lately, when I have to tell her “no” about something, she then ignores me by refusing to acknowledge anything I say or do. Example: Mom can’t walk, but thinks she can. She will try to climb out of a recliner without putting her legs down first. I stop her before she hurts herself. She then gets very exasperated with me. Huffing and pouting. When I try to find out what she wanted or needed, she won’t talk to me. She folds her arms and turns her head. She breathes deeply and blows it out her mouth like she is trying to calm herself. For the next hour she won’t speak to me, acknowledge me, or do anything that I ask. If my husband asks her things, she is happy and pleasant. What to do? I am here with her by myself most of every day. I am worried she is going to try to do something she shouldn’t out of spite.

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GAinPA,
Ouch, your first sentence is heartbreaking. I bet you're an lovely lady, and awesome daughter!

Big Cyber Huggz!
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Reply to Pepsee
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If you mom can afford it, Memory Care has been a wonderful part of our life. The alz brain is broken and the people at MC are so gracious to handle the two year old's behaviors for us. We don't have to be involved in the wiping of hineys, we can be daughters and sons who visit and talk and bring good happy thoughts into their lives.
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Reply to surprise
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Thanks everyone. It just feels better knowing that others have gone through the same thing!
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Reply to anonymous814887
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Enjoy the peace and quiet, since you can't change her actions. But you can change yours. It is what it is.... Enjoy!
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Reply to Pepsee
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I have never been my mother's choice for a daughter, and I have got used to it. It is difficult for her to be in a position of dependency on someone she doesn't like. Somethings you just got to let happen. If it is struggling to get out of the chair, maybe just letting it play out she won't come to harm. When it is an obvious danger, you got to do what you got to do and stop them.
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Reply to GAinPA
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Sorry Midkid
(((hugs)))
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Reply to SueC1957
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Seems like the CH gets the short end of the stick. I am currently dealing with a husband who had a major heart attack last Sunday. 3 stents were placed, he is on a few new meds, but it expected to be "just fine". He is a HORRIBLE patient. Enjoys being mean as he can be, to me, and sweet and smooth with anyone else. Says I am too sensitive, too fussy--anything to shut me down. I'm just taking him meals and making sure he's taking his blood sugar (refuses) walks around the house (refuses) and doesn't drive (hid the keys).

Luckily today my daughter took him off my hands. I have too many years behind me of CG for him and I am reliving the horrors of those--as I have this new one to deal with.

We really aren't speaking to each other, and that seems to work better. I can't do enough to encourage him to take some responsibility for his meds and diet and exercise and I am no going to even try.

To not take it personally when it is very much meant "personally" is very hard. I KNOW he's having a hard time, and I'm trying to help. Stepping away is how I am going to help. I did that with mother--a lot easier since I don't have to live with her.

I agree 100%--life is tough.
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Reply to Midkid58
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My mother did that to me when she lived with us. I think it's common for the caregiver to get the brunt of the crappy treatment. It seemed like there was a fight every day when we lived together.

Mom is end stage 6 Alzheimer's and lives in a Memory Care facility now. I (at least) am happier because the house is not in an upset. The poor c/g's at the facility endure her anger and hitting and scratching them. She is on medication, and most of the time it works but she can be (as my dad would have said) as nasty as cat pee.

Try to tune it out and not take it personally. Maybe she knows she has lost her freedom and is in a bad mood about it.

This life is tough.
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Reply to SueC1957
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My mil does this to me, but, of course, nobody ever sees it. It is normally when I am asking her to do something for her benefit, but she doesn't act like that with me, she tells me to get out of her room, so when you get an answer I will be watching and reading.

She has GERD and pockets her food, so when I ask her to sit up in her chair to prevent choking or heartburn, she can get a little spicy with me and I understand that!
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Reply to Lostinthemix
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