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dml7874 Asked October 2018
My husband is resisting putting my FIL in a home. I think it’s time.
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Peace4Me Oct 2018
Thank you for asking. My FIL has been with us a few years now. My hubby and I started marital therapy in June to address communication challenges. Helped us immensely. Sometimes having that neutral person really helps. Best to you.
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Lorraine12 Oct 2018
Danelle 78; hubby feels guilty we are all human and for some crazy reason we feel like as caregiver personalities we are responsable to care for our parents BUT..IF Dad has the financial means to go to a facility then by alll means he should go in a facility obviousley dad would not in his proper state of mind want you all to have to deal with poopy underwear on the outside of the jeans .Any way you and your hubby will still be careing for Dad but in a much more pleasant situation without the caregivers fatigue!!!
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Clarity Oct 2018
Hello...So sorry about your situation. Dealing with the decision of placement for my mom. It’s tough to go through. Just keep in mind your father-in-law is not being thrown away being placed in the care of professionals. With placement the caregiving doesn’t end it just changes in a way that benefits all involved. The time spent with him will be more relaxing quality time because you and your husband won’t be burning candles at both ends. Wishing you and your family the best and God Bless
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Lorraine12 Oct 2018
Danielle78; Try the non alcholic sparkling apple juice that they sell for kids around holidays ....maybe he we will never even know!! Also know you are GOOD PEOPLE no matter what,,your father in laws mind is not working properly ....if he was in his right mind Father in law would never expect you all to deal with all of this he probly would want to go to a facility that specializes in careing for Alzheimer's that way you can just act like a daughter in law a son and grandchildren your hubby will still be careing for his dad it will just be a more controlled situation , and you all will gain your peice of mind...REALLY DO NOT FEEL BAD Nobody wants their familys to have to clean up their poop and to see them so goofed up Dad will probly Thrive in a facility
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Daisy9 Jan 2019
You don't have to be "that wife". Arrange, if possible, for your husband to arrive home from work before you do on a regular basis, allowing him to see his dad as you usually find him. Pick up groceries, dry cleaning, do errands, etc., one every day, to ensure your husband arrives first while you are "being considerate of him by taking the load off him in taking care of all the household/childcare needs and errands". Let your husband make all the decisions for his dad and undertake most of the care while you are cooking supper, washing clothing, assisting with homework, etc.; all the daily chores. He will see first hand the enormity of what you have been dealing with and (hopefully) realize no one is able to be his father's lone caretaker.
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lynina2 Jan 2019
Your husband needs a little perspective. Let's face it; you have gradually adjusted to your FIL's needs over time and for much of that time it was doable. It may be hard for him to understand how far off from normal life your family has veered and may underestimate the effect these conditions have on everyone, including himself. If you can afford it, I would recommend a vacation. Take hubby and kids on a week-long trip and put FIL into respite care. If you can't afford the vacation part, just tell FIL that you are going on vacation and put him into 24/7 respite care. At the very least all of you will get a good rest. Hopefully, this exercise will open his eyes to the reality of your FIL's condition and needs. Remind him that when dad does go into a facility, all of you will be able to focus on the quality of your time with him instead of getting burned out from the physical effort. Six years is admirable and the care and love won't stop when he is in a facility.
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JoAnn29 Jan 2019
dml has not been back since she posted back in October
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Llamalover47 Jan 2019
JoAnn: I was just about to post the same thing.
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