He also talks so loud that it hurts my ears. He has hearing devices, but doesn’t wear them. I keep asking him to please wear them when he talks to me, but he just doesn’t. I am so frustrated!
Yes, the talkativeness is a common feature of dementia. It's a phase, but in my experience a fairly long one (it depends on the person). The only time my Aunt stops talking (or talks less) is when she is watching/reading a dvd (we put the closed captions on and she reads it quietly to herself, including the piracy warning, and credits. When we sit her at the table and put a book in front of her she will read it out loud and often gets upset if we aren't "listening". I guess it's one of the few social activities she still has (her dementia is advanced).
Can you try to get your husband engaged in a "purposeful" activity, like sorting and pairing nuts and bolts? Or assembling duplo blocks? My Aunt folds kitchen towels every day and also does 2 30-minute stints on a portable pedal exercycle while she's watching a dvd.
As for the volume your husband speaks at... not sure what to say about that except maybe the hearing devices he uses isn't giving him accurate feedback about his own volume? Maybe consult with an audiologist for suggestions, or his doctor for anxiety meds to slow him down a bit?
Have you told him, with patience and respect, that he’s speaking too loudly and you’d like to see if together, you can find a way of helping him to hear more easily AND getting a sense that he’s speaking louder than he needs to.
Did he have a “real” audiological exam when he got his hearing aids? Audiological evals for MANY PEOPLE “of a certain age” need specific types of assessment done by trained specialists.
Unfortunately, the type of tests that actually work are expensive, and the hearing aids that may help most may also be expensive.
If you happen to be near a college with a department that trains audiologists, you may be able to access a clinic that can guide him to the best policies for HIS needs.
Recent research suggests that less than optimum hearing can result in language deterioration. Please don’t let that happen. Do some research on potential sites for cost effective hearing evaluations in your area.
Last hint- I actually had some academic training in “hearing conservation” (the field of saving and using good hearing as weave, and EVEN I NAGGED MY HUSBAND about this until I quietly convinced him that he was missing the adorable things our grand babies were saying
WORKED LIKE A CHARM !!! He now wears and LOVES his hearing aids.
StressedOut99, has hubby's primary doctor checked his ears for wax? My partner's doctor recently did that and lo and behold there was quite a bit of wax in the ear he was having trouble hearing out of.
So I know how frustrated you can be with being with someone who TALKS LOUD, and have to repeat what you are saying to him in a LOUD voice. I hated that. I was almost ready to get him an old fashioned "ear trumpet" for him to use.
So I decided to keep talking in my regular voice, which is soft, and if he couldn't hear me, that was his problem. My next step would be to buy a white board and write on it what I was saying.
I would ask why he is not wearing them. We just had to change hearing aid providers. I went to the first appt with my husband and asked questions. First, he prefers analog over digital, never has liked digital. The audiologist explained its because analog sounds like the persons voice, digital is more mechanical. It takes the brain at least 2 weeks of constant wear for the brain to get used to that sound. The mold, if too small the hearing aide will beep. If too tight, it will wear a sore in the ear. It can be shaved down. After time molds shrink and tubing gets brittle and both need to be changed. As suggested, he may have ear wax also in the tubing of the hearing aid which both will effect his hearing. And digitals need to be tweeked. Volume is adjusted by computer. So far up and so far down with a comfort level in the middle. If the person hearing gets worse, the levels have to be adjusted.
They get loud because they can't hear themselves talking. I just use my hand telling my husband he needs to lower his voice. If your DH won't lower his voice then walk away. Tell him you refuse to talk to him if he is not wearing his hearing aides.
I don't see where you say that your husband suffers from dementia? If so, then all this talking goes with the territory. If not, I'd have him tested for dementia/Alzheimer's ASAP.
Help DH put his hearing devices in his ears; if he refuses, then put earplugs in YOUR ears and refuse to speak to him until he addresses this problem. Get him back to the audiologist to make sure the hearing devices fit and work properly, then insist he wear them ALL the time. It may be time for placement otherwise because the TWO of you need to be able to live in peace in the house at the same time, not just HIM. Your needs matter too.
I use ear plugs a lot for two different purposes. I put cotton wool in my ears if I am in a breeze (air-planes, cars, wind), because I am susceptible to sinus problems leading to sore throat. I use orange industrial ear plugs if I really want to block out noise. I learned this from my own husband, who is prone to instant migraine with loud noises – particularly high-pitched children’s screams. He always carries earplugs with him.
I’d suggest that you experiment. White cotton wool could drop down the volume while you could still hear him talk. It could also be a constant reminder to him, without you needing to nag.
It is called garrulity. I would get him a neurologist and psych evaluation right away. That has to hurt his throat and voice box. He cannot help it. It is dementia. It's just manifesting that way. He can get medication to help with his anxiety, and that issue. That has to be incredibly painful to talk non stop. He doesn't want to, he can't help it. You can get help for him. Good luck.
Until he puts in his hearing devices, tell him his voice is so loud it comes out garbled to you and you can’t understand him.
Then proceed to look blankly at him when he talks and say sorry please put in your device I can’t understand you 😉 Sometimes we have to reframe things in ways they understand to effect change.
My hearing is so sensitive I hear with my whole body, it can feel like I’m being assaulted (loud music etc) so I know what you mean if someone is particularly loud.
If it’s nothing but contrariness, which is typical of men and hearing aids, tell him to put his hearing aids immediately upon arising, and if he doesn’t, tell him no breakfast, lunch or dinner until he does. After he gets them in, do a “Doc Martin” on him.
StressedOut99: Your husband requires a visit to his audiologist, who will work with him on his hearing aids/devices. Perhaps his aids are not fitting properly or need to be tuned/adjusted. It's true that individuals with poor hearing talk quite loud and it is annoying. I wear one aid and wouldn't be without it EVER. If his issue is not resolved, YOU may have to resort to wearing ear plugs. I actually wear ear plugs to bed as my husband is a snorer.
I just want to thank all the people who have responded so thoughtfully to my question. It is comforting to know that others have experienced this and have found ways to deal with it. I greatly appreciate all the comments and suggestions. 🙂
As an audiologist, I know hearing aids do not work for all people. The way I explain it is that the hearing aid makes sounds louder, but not clearer. If you think of the ear as a radio, turning up the volume (with a hearing aid) will help you enjoy the music if the radio is on the station. But, some ears have nerve damage that makes the radio off station. In that case, turning up the volume just makes noise louder. Plus, there is a lot of adaptations it takes to manage your hearing aid in noisy situations that people might not have as they age. A hearing aid is a much more complicated device than a pair of glasses and takes a considerable amount of work to manage properly. An aid without a working battery, a plugged mold, not turned on, on not turned up becomes an ear plug and utterly unhelpful. For all of these reasons, my mother has a mild-to-moderate hearing loss and does not have a hearing aid. I support her hearing loss by good communication strategies much more easily than with a hearing aid - and I'm an audiologist.
Beyond that information, simply having a hearing loss does not make people talk all the time. I would think that is either a deliberatrle compensatory strategy to talk so as to not have to listen, or a sign of cogtlnitive decline that he isn't having didactic conversations any more.
But, the volume of their voice may be unusually loud. I would encourage you to find nonverbal cues to let him know he's too loud (a hand singnal, for example) that isn't interrupting his thought process.
Can you try to get your husband engaged in a "purposeful" activity, like sorting and pairing nuts and bolts? Or assembling duplo blocks? My Aunt folds kitchen towels every day and also does 2 30-minute stints on a portable pedal exercycle while she's watching a dvd.
As for the volume your husband speaks at... not sure what to say about that except maybe the hearing devices he uses isn't giving him accurate feedback about his own volume? Maybe consult with an audiologist for suggestions, or his doctor for anxiety meds to slow him down a bit?
Did he have a “real” audiological exam when he got his hearing aids? Audiological evals for MANY PEOPLE “of a certain age” need specific types of assessment done by trained specialists.
Unfortunately, the type of tests that actually work are expensive, and the hearing aids that may help most may also be expensive.
If you happen to be near a college with a department that trains audiologists, you may be able to access a clinic that can guide him to the best policies for HIS needs.
Recent research suggests that less than optimum hearing can result in language deterioration. Please don’t let that happen. Do some research on potential sites for cost effective hearing evaluations in your area.
Last hint- I actually had some academic training in “hearing conservation” (the field of saving and using good hearing as weave, and EVEN I NAGGED MY HUSBAND about this until I quietly convinced him that he was missing the adorable things our grand babies were saying
WORKED LIKE A CHARM !!! He now wears and LOVES his hearing aids.
Good Luck!
So I know how frustrated you can be with being with someone who TALKS LOUD, and have to repeat what you are saying to him in a LOUD voice. I hated that. I was almost ready to get him an old fashioned "ear trumpet" for him to use.
So I decided to keep talking in my regular voice, which is soft, and if he couldn't hear me, that was his problem. My next step would be to buy a white board and write on it what I was saying.
They get loud because they can't hear themselves talking. I just use my hand telling my husband he needs to lower his voice. If your DH won't lower his voice then walk away. Tell him you refuse to talk to him if he is not wearing his hearing aides.
Help DH put his hearing devices in his ears; if he refuses, then put earplugs in YOUR ears and refuse to speak to him until he addresses this problem. Get him back to the audiologist to make sure the hearing devices fit and work properly, then insist he wear them ALL the time. It may be time for placement otherwise because the TWO of you need to be able to live in peace in the house at the same time, not just HIM. Your needs matter too.
Good luck.
I’d suggest that you experiment. White cotton wool could drop down the volume while you could still hear him talk. It could also be a constant reminder to him, without you needing to nag.
He can get medication to help with his anxiety, and that issue. That has to be incredibly painful to talk non stop. He doesn't want to, he can't help it.
You can get help for him. Good luck.
Then proceed to look blankly at him when he talks and say sorry please put in your device I can’t understand you 😉
Sometimes we have to reframe things in ways they understand to effect change.
My hearing is so sensitive I hear with my whole body, it can feel like I’m being assaulted (loud music etc) so I know what you mean if someone is particularly loud.
Plus, there is a lot of adaptations it takes to manage your hearing aid in noisy situations that people might not have as they age.
A hearing aid is a much more complicated device than a pair of glasses and takes a considerable amount of work to manage properly. An aid without a working battery, a plugged mold, not turned on, on not turned up becomes an ear plug and utterly unhelpful.
For all of these reasons, my mother has a mild-to-moderate hearing loss and does not have a hearing aid. I support her hearing loss by good communication strategies much more easily than with a hearing aid - and I'm an audiologist.
Beyond that information, simply having a hearing loss does not make people talk all the time. I would think that is either a deliberatrle compensatory strategy to talk so as to not have to listen, or a sign of cogtlnitive decline that he isn't having didactic conversations any more.
But, the volume of their voice may be unusually loud. I would encourage you to find nonverbal cues to let him know he's too loud (a hand singnal, for example) that isn't interrupting his thought process.