Not a joke. My mother asked me for sex. Is this part of aging? -

Not a joke. My mother asked me for sex. Is this part of aging?


My 75 year old mother who I live with along with her husband and my father asked me for sex. Her son. She is Baptist raised and this one at least doesn't swear. I say this to show the difference. She is not a holy roller just a normal person in every way. She shows no symptoms other then mild search for a word briefly hear and there and maybe an explanation of something could be done a little better. No one would know anything. She is totally normal except for this. Its to long to go into other then she put her hand on my knee one time after I said something giving a clear intent and then the second time a week later says this softly but emphatically and with exasperation. "You want to f*** hard and I want to f*** hard why shouldn't we just because he is around" I was in shock and just blinked. She just stared back at me exasperated. I have two siblings who could know this as well as my father but I have not told them. Have you heard of this as part of aging?



As part of normal aging? No. But it is not unheard of in cases of cognitive impairment. For example, someone with dementia might have no filters regarding sex (or other topics) and use incorrect words or words they didn't use before the dementia. My husband didn't swear, so I was really surprised when he came out with crude curse after having dementia a few months. The words are in the brain bank and the filter that inhibits using them just wasn't there that day!

I suspect that she is not totally normal. Perhaps the trouble finding words and the slight confusion are early mild signs of something going wrong. Propositioning her son is definitely not part of normal aging. Watch carefully for other signs of impaired functioning. Keep a journal of them. Ask your wife to do the same. If a pattern shows up or the signs are more pronounced than you thought once you start looking for them, then I think the next step is a thorough medical exam, with the doctor knowing ahead of time what concerns you have.

Meanwhile, if something like this happens again, I'd say something like, "Mom, I am sure you are a good lover, but that is not a proper activity with a son. It is called incest and it is wrong."

Wow! What a shocker! You must be very confused and worried.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to jeannegibbs

We've heard of it, in my house. My FIL loves nothing more than to tell me, quite graphically, the sexual things he'd like to show me. I cannot be alone with him, or it would be nonstop. Now that we look back, his Inappropriate Sexual Behavior (it's a thing) was one of the first signs of his dementia. He started saying inappropriate things to me years before he started neglecting his hygiene, for example. It's definitely a sign of dementia.

It's hard to deal with this issue. Relationships with our parents are intimate and deep. My husband, FIL's son, feels angry and hurt and helpless, on my behalf and also because this is his father. We talk, but I try not to burden him too much and when I get really upset, it helps me to talk to a good friend in whom I've confided. You can always come here to talk it out if you wish. People here have helped me through a few rough spots, especially early on.

Do listen to the advice to talk to a doctor. Sometimes this behavior can be helped through medication. But not always. The only medicine that stops my FIL's horny ways are those that put him to sleep. Still, you should talk to the doctor anyway because your mother is showing a sign of dementia.
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Reply to Susieshoes

First of all I would not share this with the rest of the family.
Second I think your Mom may be further along the path of dementia than anyone believes.
Inappropriate comments and a sexual obsession are often a part of dementia. Usually it is men that others complain about but it can affect both sexes. She may or may not have known who she was asking.
She has family around looking out for her and helping so the decline may not be noticeable. Is she actually responsible for anything? Driving, shopping, cooking,paying bills all those kinds of things.
My own mother in law seemed pretty normal too but once her husband died it was only short time till she needed to be placed in a facility. FIL was physically sick but was able to look out for MIL and watch that she did not do anything stupid.
A visit to Mom's PCP would be in order at this time for a complete evaluation.
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Reply to Veronica91

This is not "part of aging." This is loss of inhibition caused by dementia, by damage to her brain as a result of disease; coupled with a failure to recognise you as her son - which sounds like disorientation in time, too.

If it's a sudden change and she's done nothing like it before, report this to her doctor as a neurological symptom. And be as clear and frank about it as you have been here.
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Reply to Countrymouse

Here, you've gotten two great answers. I just want to say that I can only imagine how hard this is. ((((((Hugs))))))).
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Personally, I don't think you should make any comments regarding moms skills in this area. Keep it simple - "mom, that's inappropriate and wrong to say to me. Please never do it again". BTW - if you can get her in to her doctor - have her tested for a urinary infection. UTIs have the craziest effect on seniors.
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Reply to Rainmom

She probably didn't realize who you were on those occasions. My cousin used to think that a local news weather man was coming to her room for a nightly visit. I'm not sure if it was a delusion or hallucination. It didn't hurt anyone, so I didn't correct her. It eventually went away. I think that telling her no in a nice way was the right thing to do.  She likely doesn't remember it. 

I know it makes you feel weird, but, I'd try to not think about, even though, it could happen again. Maybe her doctor could prescribe something to decrease her libido.
 We just never know what we'll have to deal with in life. Take care.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

You've gotten some great answers here. Now it's time to put "the actor" into place and get your response ready. I told my FIL "The doctor said I can't have sex anymore, and I don't want to talk about it anymore because I feel bad." After a dozen times of saying this, the requests slowed down. Good luck.
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Reply to jjariz

Something similar happened to me with my MIL although I never mentioned it to anyone until reading the post here. If I had said something to my wife it would have caused a huge upsetting within the family, just figured it was something mentally imbalanced. From time to time I'd drop off food and check on her in my wife's absence due to dealing with cancer and trying to be helpful. She wasn't diagnosed with any sort of dementia at the time. I was so surprised I was a bit lost for words but basically just graciously declined and said I really needed to go. Happened twice. I did wonder if she did that with me- who else?
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Reply to hotrodgreg