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4 weeks ago, mom started being in worse shape than previously. It’s a decline that looks like body is rebelling and may be finished. She wants to do all that she has done on own and is so afraid of losing her abilities if she does not maintain the little that she can do.


Almost 88, not placing any demands on me at all (that makes me even more afraid, no passive aggressiveness as per usual.)


My feelings, as I await blood, urine results, is to respect her wishes and not have someone in her apt with her All DAY AND ALL NIGHT. I have organized for 4 hours each day. I am hanging with her as well some parts of the day, but that is very new. I work full time and she has been able to be mostly independent, until about 2 weeks ago. My gut says that her quality of life, which means less caregivers around, is more important to her than anything else. I am trying to be respectful and hoping for the worst like a fall, not to happen. My guilt will set in if I think that I could have done something for her, but I didn’t because of her wishes.


Rambling on. We are at a brand new stage and as I await test results, I only hope this will be quick and easy for her. She has suffered enough.


When does one look into hospice?

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As we age, none of us wants to admit that we need help. However, we don’t realize that we’re stressing out those who love and care about us just for the reasons you’ve stated. I’m not certain what you mean by “quality of life” and “less caregivers around”. If her health is declining, shouldn’t she have more time with caregivers?

Maybe when you get the resukts of her tests back, you can have her doctor speak with her about some outside help. People our age were raised to respect the word of A doctor and don’t really question their advice or suggestions.

I would let the doctor advise on Hospice, but maybe Palliative Care would be better.

Keep us updated.
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