My mother is disabled, walker bound, lots of health issues but works 2 jobs, drives etc. I live with her along with my 15 year old son. I work full time, go to school at night and do all the errands, gas, meds, pay for groceries and all my bills except cell phone which us a family plan. I'm 35. I have never lived on my own. I have a boyfriend who she hates. We used to use drugs together. I've been clean for 5 years. He is working on it. She has already told me he can't live there, which I get because it's a 2 bedroom apartment. But whenever he comes over she slams her door, turns her TV up full blast and won't talk to me. God forbid he spends the night. Now look, I get it, maybe not the best guy, but he doesn't hurt me, has watched my son grow up, he's definitely a work in progress but I ask my mom for nothing regarding him. I pay for the food already, she says he can't shower at our home. I have to have him in my room with the door closed. Yesterday he came over, we bbq'd and had a nice afternoon with my son, all while she sat in her room, I brought her lunch, she said she wasn't hungry, then she tells me things like "I wish I could die".
I don't know what to do, when I tell him he can't come around, she's happy, I'm pretty bummed. When he's around we have to tip toe around the house. I feel like I'm am doing all I can to help her and I wouldn't ignore her if she wouldn't be so difficult when he's here, but maybe I am wrong. I could maybe afford to move out in the next year but she is so agoraphobic, anxious, depressed and gets very confused so easily I don't think I can leave her, but she functions at 2 jobs and drives, so maybe I can. Am I asking for too much? To me, if I'm making mistakes in love, I'm a grown up and that's my problem. He doesn't disrespect her, steal, yell. I know I don't pay rent but I make up for it. Everything else I do and I think that should buy me a little more freedom. If she was a roommate she couldn't tell me who could sleep in my room. And if I lived on my own I could do what I want. Someone please tell me. He might not be the best boyfriend, but we love each other, at my age, should not I be allowed tohave him to stay whenever I want as long as he doesn't move in or set up shop in my room?