Mom drives me nuts when she has a doctor's appt. She uses a walker and is incontinent and has to go before we leave. It takes her 10 minutes to get out to the car and has to make plans so far ahead it does drive me crazy. She lost her license and I have to get her to all appointments, but it is so frustrating that she has lost her sense of time and how long it takes to get places. Seems she has lost her place of time and distance. We live in a fairly small city and nothing is too far away and usually road construction is the only delay.
I don't mind taking her to appts, but the build up of her worrying is really getting to me!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Until her recent decline I would write the appointment on her calendar noting what time she was to be ready and waiting for me. This worked well for us many years. She did get increasingly OCD about the time though & if I did not write it on her calendar it was a stressor for her.
In hindsight I believe Eyerishlass has an excellent handle on this topic. Especially about allowing enough time and being stress free yourself. This is one of my shortcomings and helpful to me also.
Helpful Answer (0)

I think we all have our own schedule and how we act prior to going to a doctor's appointment. Try to grin and bear it.

Example, when I go to pick up my Mom for an appointment, she is already dressed, has her coat on, her cane ready, she has her purse and she is sitting in her chair waiting for me. Thank you, Mom.

On the opposite side of the coin, when I go to pick up my Dad, he is still getting dressed, or he's looking for his baseball cap... then he turns around and goes into another room to get his wallet... then the search begins for his glasses... oh, and where is his cane? During that time my Mom is snipping at him for not being ready.

I keep telling myself if I am late for an appointment with my either one or both of my parents, I will just tell the staff sorry we are late, usually the staff will understand if they see elderly parents :)
Helpful Answer (1)

Going to the Dr. is a big deal to elderly people with dementia. Getting out of the house is a big deal as well. If your mom is anxious about getting to the Dr. on time try making the appointment early enough in the day so she doesn't spend half the day worrying herself into a state. And don't tell her about the appointment until the night before or she'll obsess upon it for the days leading up to the appointment.

Tell her when the appointment is and tell her what time you need to leave. Make sure you have plenty of time to get your mom ready to go. Don't rush her because this will add to her anxiety. Anticipate things that can go wrong and incorporate them into your getting your mom ready. Like, mom gets into the car and realizes that she needs more tissues. Or she announces on the way out to the car that she has to have a bowel movement. Always allow for extra time. If you're stressed and agitated your mom will be too.

Keep reassuring her that you'll make it in time, no need to worry. You may have to tell her this over and over to keep her calm. Make sure she has enough time to putter around and fret too. She's going to putter around and fret regardless so incorporate that into the getting ready process.

If you are calm and relaxed this will help your mom. Repeatedly reassure her that you'll make it in time. If you need to prompt her to begin getting ready be gentle but firm, "Wear those blue pants with the white shirt". as opposed to, "What are you going to wear?" . While giving choices is always good it's not the right time when you need to get out of the house. Try not to countdown: "Mom, we have to leave in 1/2 hour". "Mom, we need to leave in 15 minutes." Tell her what time you need to leave then make sure she's ready to go at that time.

There's probably nothing you can do about the build up and her worrying but you can make it a little easier on her and keep her stress level and agitation to a minimum. Yours too! ;-)
Helpful Answer (1)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter