Ready to scream - How to survive?

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My mother is 88 years old, uses a walker and lives alone in her house. Except for my middle age brother who stays at her place three to four days a week. He has a personality disorder. Her bedroom has a bathroom attached. The sink is now on the floor. It is extremely old and my brother couldn't get parts need to fix whatever is wrong. He is trying to glue the parts my mom said. He hates my mom spending money. She says she needs a new sink but my brother doesn't want her to get one. She won't go against him ever. He would yell and drive her nuts if she got a new sink. I told her she needs to go against him anyway. She says she won't. This is not new behavior it has been going for 20 years. Dad is dead. Only one other relative and mom won't listen to her.

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Maggie is right. Not fixing a sink is over the top, and it has to be fixed. Make APS the potential bogieman/bad guy. Spending as little money as possible even when needs are obvious is not a good way to live.
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A sink is expensive, but your mother needs one, and the house needs one even if your mother isn't there. What a silly boy your brother is. Do you think your mother might like to go to Lowe's to pick out a nice one with pretty fixtures for her bath? Maybe the people at Lowe's will have a plumbing company they work with that will come out to install it. (Yes, you will have to pay to install it.) A nice sink will change the whole appearance of the bathroom and, if selected well, will give your mother some extra support.

Your brother in his controlling ways is being unreasonable. I understand she doesn't want him to get mad and leave. I hope you can find some way to work this out as a threesome. Losing your brother is not something you want for your mom. He's her son and he is company. I have a feeling there is a way to come to meeting of minds. (What kind of personality disorder does he have?)
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I would call or go to your home improvement store (here we have Lowe's, Home Depot) and get that sink fixed. Time for someone to be grown up and stand up to the son, who obviously can't take care of himself much less your Mother. Sounds like a situation that radically needs to be completely changed or monitored. He has no concern or responsibility about Mom's money. A sink is pretty darn important and most can't be fixed with glue.
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when my mom came home from hospital on hospice care , aps made it very clear to me that i would be held responsible , by law , for moms well being ,as i was poa . my sister and a niece came to take care of mom so i could work but it only took a few sleepless nights for me to see what being in charge meant . first one dog comes in the house strewing fleas . then comes another one that caused mom the worst fall of her life . then they browbeat mom about how they needed financial help to move their family to our town . long story short ; i promptly threw the dogs out , talked to attorney about taking over finances . mom and i resolved that one on our own . she simply made a big show of giving me her checkbook even tho she still had one of her own . sis didnt hassle me about a down pmt on a home , she wanted to leave niece there and run the roads . i ran sis off and started paying niece weekly . ( it made more sense ) . niece wussed out in a few weeks and mom , hospice and i lived out remainder of moms months happily is what i would say , but we didnt . i got into hospices ass a couple of times too when they got too pushy . i completely agree with maggie . step right up to your lawful responsibilities and stick brother thru a window if he resists .. poa is a very powerful responsibility ..
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Does mom complain about your brother to you? Call for a wellness check and have professionals evaluate the situation. And a geriatric care manager is a great idea!
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Your mom is 88 years old, lives alone except for your personality-disordered brother 3 days a week, and uses a walker.

Do you know why she gave you her Power of Attorney? (A very big step, by the way) Because she trusted you to help her when she couldn't help herself. That time has come. Don't equivocate; don't make excuses; don't rationalize. The time is now.

Get your mom's sink fixed. Instruct your brother in your best authoritative voice that you have taken over maintenance of mom's home, and it will be maintained by you to safe and convenient standards that YOU set for your poor old mom.

Take your mom's checkbook home with you. If she has charge cards, take them home as well. Let your brother know he's not in charge in no uncertain terms.

He is brow-beating your mother. It's time to pull the trigger and take over for her. She will be grateful long-run. Tell your brother if he has any problems with the way the house is managed or maintained, your mom is no longer responsible for it; he is not to bother her about it; and to stop harassing her.

If he doesn't, you simply MUST get social services involved. Whether you realize it or not (I don't think you do), this is elder abuse.

She's counting on you. Don't let her down.
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Are you trying to resolve this from afar? If you are POA (and close enough to visit) show up with a handy man and sink and get it installed. If you live far away, you should get reliable contractors near Mom so you can call them as needed. She is 88! It is up to the responsible person (You) to get this resolved. Forget your brother who is not capable, and that is the reality. If you haven't been there is a while, I suspect there may be several other issues going on, including your brother using her moeny for his purposes. You need to be more hand on or hire a geriatric manager to do this for you.
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I have POA, but that won't stop my brother from complaining. It is still mom's money being used. And he will think Mom can just tell me no. Not to spend the money. He will still drive her crazy. If he can't fix the sink. I hope mom changes her mind about the sink. I'm so sick of this. Everything with her.
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Who has poa? In other words, can you authorize expenditure for new sink and take the heat off mom? Totally unsanitary not to have a sink near the toilet for hand washing. You might callfor a I wellness check by social services. Let THEM take the heat for saying mom needs a sink. This will lead to utis, c-diff, all kinds of terrible stuff.
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