Mom thinks she has an STD but doesn't want to get tested.

I should have thought that the sort of infection you're likely to suffer after - how to put it - overenthusiastic application of accessories in company with your girlfriend is not of the sort that we would think of as an STD as such. But if you like you can point out to your mother that the act of a truly loving partner is to take an interest in both her own and her partner's overall health, and for them both to get checked out.

As for embarrassment - well, there goes a woman who's paid no attention at all to the stories ER and STD clinic teams like to share about the items they've had to remove from body cavities, or the fabulous yarns that people spin about - for example - how they came to have genital warts in their ear. Tell your mother she has virtually no chance of being remarkable in this context. Sorry!

You're justified in having an opinion because she confided in you in the first place, but just say what you think and then leave it there. It's her body.

What I actually do think is important is the point that's come up about sexual health of aging people. We're going to have to get used to the fact that our aging generations now came from the permissive society (though I'm sure this OP's mother is far too young to remember the sixties), and they didn't get all respectable once they hit fifty, and it is no use to get squeamish about certain types of health problem just because of how they got it. Let alone automatically disbelieve someone who's asking.

I'm no gynecologist (cuz I don't play one on t.v. or sleep at a Holiday Inn Express but...) when I was a teen I borrowed a bathing suit from another girl at sleep away camp and got my first yeast infection. Your post made me think of this as a possibility. And also that if this is the case and only one of them gets treated, they could pass it back and forth (or even an STD). You can actually buy Monistat for yeast infections on amazon, so maybe you could buy 2 and ship it to your mom and friend (and thus they can't object to being too embarrassed to buy it in a store). I don't think there's any downside if they treat themselves for a yeast infection that they don't actually have. At least they can tick that off the list of possibilities.

P.S. please forgive the reporting of your post...there have been (and still are) idiotic trolls who post inappropriate things here and waste people's time and disrespect this forum. The person was just being protective. So sorry that it's even a thing. thx!

Is your mother of sound mind? If so, reassure her that she likely has a minor yeast infection, but that if it is a serious infection it can go systemic and can kill her. It is VERY UNLIKELY that this is an STD. If your mother is of sound mind, and after telling her this she doesn't seek help, there is honestly very little you can do unless and until she enters an ER in trouble.

There is also the possibility of a irritation, allergic reaction or rash from the materials of which the "toy" is made of, or any lubricants used, or soaps used to clean the jtem.

There are too many possibilities of what she might have, so the very best thing would be for them Both to be seen, even if they don't wish to see own their personal Dr's, they can always go as and be seen in a Walk in Clinic for the sake of anonymity if they are too embarrassed. It's silly really, as Drs see these things every day, and will act very professionally no matter the circumstances.

On a personal front, I remember back in about 1979, my then 85 year old Grandmother, who had immigrated to the U.S. was having a severe Dementia crisis and my parents had to have her transported to the ER. She was ultimately diagnosed (via a blood test) with Latent Stage Syphilis (she wasn't having any female issues, but having accute symptoms related to her Advanced Dementia), which she unknowingly had, and which had been left untreated for probably 50+ years or more (pre-WW2, pre-antibiotics). I remember that she was treated with a large injection of Penicillin, and that there was a huge possibility that part of her Dementia symptoms were from this long standing and untreated STD infection. I'm not saying that your Mom has anything like this, but that untreated diseases Can go on and become Very serious, if not dangerous if left untreated, as symptoms can disappear, but the danger can linger such as in Syphylis or Chlamydia. Crazy huh?

If she mainly has an vaginal itch, with thick white discharge, it MIGHT be a yeast infection which can easily be treated over the counter. If her symptoms involve more than itch and drainage, such as burning, or open sores, she really should see a doctor. Also, she might have a urinary tract infection. These are quite common. Any sexual activity might make this more likely.
Get more specific symptoms. Best to consult with a medical person, and will need to be more specific about her symptoms. We all would benefit from being more open minded about sexual activity.

Reporting

CountryMouse, I've always admired and been amused by your delicate description of certain aspects of life, and this is no exception.  You bring humor to what could be an embarrassing issue.

@Worrieddaught1, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable leaving the issue alone.   If there is an infection, STD or not, it might need treatment, and it might not resolve on its own.    

Is there any way you can periodically ask her w/o making her uncomfortable?    I think STDs are infections that people prefer to think they don't have.   There's still a lot of stigma about them.  

I recall reading several decades ago of a well known woman, daughter of a famous, rich benefactor of arts, who contracted an STD from her husband.   As I recall, she eventually died of it.   I don't remember which disease it was.  

There's also the issue, and I'll defer to the medical pros here, as to whether or not it can be spread through nonsexual contact.

Did your mother describe any symptoms that you could research, just to see if they're reflective of an STD?  

I think cancer is another dreaded disease that people tend to avoid addressing, probably b/c it's just so overwhelming.

Thank you everyone. It sucks that some people use this as a trolling bc this is a sensitive subject. And to have people like that is disgusting. But I'll go out tomorrow and buy her something for a yeast infection. See if that will help. She hasn't mentioned any symptoms just said infection. I hope it's a yeast infection but if not then I'll try some sort of gentler approach to try and get her to go to a doctor. Hopefully she will accept the help.

Do NOT go and buy her anything to treat this condition. You do not know what it is. You presumably have not even had a look at it.

Suggest to your mother that she go and have a chat with her friendly local pharmacist, by all means. The pharmacist might be confident that over the counter or pharmacy only treatments will fit the bill, if the symptoms really are that obvious-sounding; but if not your mother will be told to see her PCP, and maybe she'll listen to someone in a white coat.

There is actually an STD test you can buy online which tests for 7 different sexually transmitted diseases, believe it or not!! It's $199 which is the downside:

https://www.everlywell.com/products/std-test-female/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=std_test_female_shopping&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_stds&gclid=CjwKCAiA9JbwBRAAEiwAnWa4Q0Fc-vcCHliMNKWe8DwMT_FDQPrFyvTCIvHaIqGXE1AndDh4rrIfmRoCOC8QAvD_BwE

CVS also makes an at home test you can purchase for $15.99:

https://www.cvs.com/shop/cvs-health-feminine-screening-kit-for-vaginal-infections-prodid-917719

And finally, here's what comes up when you Google "Vagisil screening test" :

https://www.google.com/search?q=vagisil+screening+test&rlz=1C1JRYI_enUS478US487&oq=vagisil+screening+test&aqs=chrome.0.0l8.7204j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Obviously, there are MANY women who do not want to go to the doctor right away if they are worried about having an infection and would prefer to test at home alone.

Good luck!!