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In that question I explained my situation caring for my wife who has a degenerative brain disease and asked what other caregivers did about basically living celibate but still feeling the strong desire for physical intimacy. I received every expected type of response from you're a sex addict and pervert, go to church, get a hobby, snuggle more and find a friend with benefits. I also had a few ladies tell me they wish I lived closer so we could meet each other. So I have struggled with this almost daily since then. But I have finally made the decision that I am no good to anyone, either her or myself, if I am totally and constantly depressed or in a terribly foul mood. I would like to have a lady friend who is in the same situation that I am in, who would like a man friend who would understand when she felt like crying and needed to talk, who would like to occasionally have a meal with a man friend, or a movie. If it progressed into a "friend with benefits" thing I would love that too. I have had zero life for longer than I care to remember now and I need to change that. I can't get away often at this point but sometimes is better than nothing at all. To anyone who will accuse me of using this forum as a dating app, this is the only way I can see to meet someone that is in my same situation. I live in a small town so I can't use a senior app on the computer because I don't want my relatives to ever see it at this point in time. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt my wife.



So here goes, I'm 65 years old. I live close to Peoria, Illinois. If anyone is within a 3 to 4 hour drive one way, that would be close to the maximum distance that I could manage right now. I'm just in tremendous need of female companionship. I was an electrician all my work life. I'm just a normal guy who is so lonely all the time now.



I fully expect all kinds of replies to this, even the super critical ones, but that is just how lonely and desperate I feel right now. I'm actually pretty embarrassed to post this but I am at my wits end.

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I don't think PaddyDaddy is looking for any more opinions on his life, his marital vows, his sex drive, his standing with God and/or the church, his conscience, or any other 'words of wisdom' we care to impart upon him. What he IS looking for is a woman who lives within a 3-4 hour drive of Peoria Illinois who's looking for some male companionship due to feeling lonely and/or taking care of a sick spouse for a very long time who is no longer capable of intimacy.

The End.

Good luck PaddyDaddy. I hope you find what you're looking for and it all works out.
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Ahmijoy Nov 30, 2019
You’re probably right. PD is in effect hoping to use this forum as a “dating” site, posting his situation for the second time, and that’s not what we’re here for. It’s just wrong.
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Be prepared, they might!

People need to respect Every aspect of Caregiving, yours is a Valid Concern.

Let's Be Gentle with this hard working husband, he needs our support like the rest of us!
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Ahmijoy Nov 30, 2019
We did offer him support the first time he posted this. We offered him sympathy and understanding and possible solutions. This time around, he just seems to be using our forum as a dating site.
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lonliness is a killer for some types of people . if some posters dont plan to look him up , fine .
ignore his request , it doesnt apply to you .
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i miss female companionship also -- being alone now for more years than i was married ( because im a jackass ) but if it isnt the right person i feel im better off alone .

i fear the ' wrong ' person would get on your nerves in about 10 minutes . 3 minutes of bliss , 7 minutes of extreme regret .
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This is such shaky ground. Why, because you took vows, in sickness and in health. But then, the woman u loved is really not "here" anymore.

Me, I could not in good conscious date someone and then go home and care for my DH. Maybe, if they were in LTC with no way they would ever improve? I know in my heart, if this happened to me my DH would be there to the end.

But, none of us know what we would really do in your situation. I have had to eat my words more than once. Caregiving is such a hard job. Not all of us are cut out for it. Maybe your decision should be its time for LTC. Medicaid is there if you need it. As a Community spouse your assets will be split. Her split would be used for her care and when gone u apply for Medicaid. Once she is settled, then u can live ur life.
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I understand your loneliness, so Good Luck in all your endeavors!
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I have thought about this since my last post a few hours ago and I'm changing my reply. I don't want this topic deleted. I was embarrassed to even post it because of what it made me feel like. But my life has evolved into doing things every day that I never thought I would have to do. From choosing and buying her clothes to cleaning her up if I don't get her to the bathroom soon enough. Some said this forum isn't for meeting people. Well maybe there should be a sub forum for just that purpose. A caregiver needing a friend, of any sort, is just as important of a need as a caregiver needing advice on a nursing home. The last time any of our so called friends stopped by our house was August of 2016. It's easy to remember when it never happens any more. Everyone wants to give their support through Facebook but no one wants to come to my house and just talk. And to the people who say what I'm doing is wrong or immoral I say you live your life the way that gets you through the day and I will live mine the way that gets me through the day. Unless you want to come here and give me some hands on help and see my life, don't judge me, because I don't accept your judgement. If it makes all of the holier than thou folks feel better I will expand my invitation to the men here. If any guys can get together over lunch, please let me know. Male or female, I need some outside contact and friendship. I guess I'm finished with people from afar telling what I need to do and what not to do. I'm 65 years old and I have gotten through life just fine making my own life decisions and I'm not going to give that up now. I'm going to do my best to keep my sanity so I can be in the right frame of mind to take the best care of my wife that I can. She is still the love of my life but life for me has changed forever and if I don't make some changes in my present life it will probably shorten the time I can take care of her. So long story short, I want this topic to stay up, I stand by my decision to write it. If it is not something that you like, keep scrolling until you find something more to your liking. Write your most damning reply if it makes you feel better. A lot of my life, in fact most of my life, is now out of my control but I won't give up what little control I still have. So I hope a nice lady or a nice guy will reply to me. As my sergeant in the Marines used to say... You are dismissed.
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Bella7 Dec 1, 2019
You are totally burned out from caregiving!!!

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I think you coming to this forum will really help you out, and thank you for expressing your side of the story!
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I'm gonna say the same thing I said before - this isn't the place to find what you are looking for.
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I am going to be gentle with the OP here: I am sorry that you are having problems in that department, (it must be very difficult for you to deal with) but this site is not a dating/sexual encounters site. Others have tried this as a dating/Sexual encounters site and they were told not to ask for that sort of thing on here.

You may want to try sites such as Plenty of fish (it's free but there are also a lot of people from Nigeria, etc. that post there. They are obviously not looking for a relationship, if you know what I am talking about), Adult friend finder (I had a friend that used AFF because she missed going out with someone and was taking care of her husband that was in a wheelchair) and other sites. You can keep your identity secret on these sites (use a phony name, do a private album of pictures {That only invited people can look at, there are sites that are like that)). I checked out the population of Peoria, it's not big like Chicago, but it's not rural. I don't think you will have a problem running into people that you know.

All I can do is warn you about scammers (on the sites I mentioned above) and wish you the best of luck.

PS: You want companionship and Friends with benefits because you can't do it with your wife anymore. That is completely understandable and no, it doesn't make you a pervert or a pest.
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I am relatively new here and if this post is inappropriate will a moderator please delete it. I meant no disrespect.
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cherokeegrrl54 Nov 30, 2019
I dont think your a bad person at all for feeling the way you do. I hope you find someone in the same situation that wants the same type relationship you do. Keep your head held high. Unless a person walks in your shoes, on the same path, do what makes you happy. Best wishes for you and your wife. Liz
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