Mom is in memory care; she’s got Alzheimer’s and dementia. It takes awhile for her to realize who we are when we visit, and she needs help dressing at times.
So, recently we were called and told that Mom was in her room with a male resident, and neither had any pants on. Then maybe 2 hours later, we got a call that it happened again. We went to visit today, and my husband and I saw a male walk right into another female's room, close and lock the door. It just so happens it’s the same guy that my mother-in-law supposedly lured into her room.
I’m sorry, but obviously this guy goes into the females rooms whenever he wants to. He has recently moved in and is in a hall that has all women — he’s the only guy.
Anybody have any advice?
I would hit up everyone you can call, Don, Manager, ombudsman etc
If the Administrator of the care home is not taking action to stop this, then move her somewhere else! And report it to - I don't know who you report this to. But the care home is acting carelessly and not in their resident's best interests if a male is wandering into female's rooms and locking the door!
I am surprised there are locks on the doors in memory care.
Let the administrator know what you have seen hapenning, and that under no circumstance is this man allowed to be alone in a closed room with your mother.
I hope it helps.
Dementia and Sex
During the course of dementia, the patient’s ability to engage in sexual activity evolves in ways that parallel the decline in other abilities. Just as the patient gradually loses track of the steps involved in brushing their teeth, grooming, or bathing, sooner or later they begin to forget the steps involved in intimate relationships and may need more help to stay sexually active.
Over time, the patient becomes oblivious to the needs of their partner, may try to engage in unusual sex acts, or may even commit sexual violence. Forgetting that they had been intimate with their partner moments ago, the patient may want to do it again, and may get angry when they are refused. As with other behavioral problems, distracting the patient is usually more effective, and potentially safer, than an outright “No!”
Sexual Behavior in Nursing Homes
Most of the research into inappropriate sexual behavior has focused on nursing homes. Their findings and solutions, however, are equally applicable to patients living at home.
· Drug-based interventions are more prevalent at nursing homes because of their ease of use and a shortage of trained staff. However, care-based interventions are often more effective at helping with behavioral problems, including sexual issues.
· In nursing homes, it is recommended that patients reside in single rooms. The ladies’ and men’s wards should be separate and on different floors, and served by female and male staff respectively. TV programs and print materials should be controlled for content that may be sexually arousing.
· Tell the patient when a particular behavior is inappropriate. If a male patient enters the room of a female patient, gently direct him to his own room, and say something like: “Gentlemen should not enter ladies’ rooms.”
· Educational interventions, including explanations, are less likely to work with dementia patients, however. Memory problems make it difficult for dementia patients to learn and remember, while impaired reasoning and impulse control make it difficult for patients to follow your logic or redirect their behavior.
Managing Sexual Behavior
Reduce inappropriate sexual behavior by anticipating it and redirecting the patient. In both these areas you have a significant advantage: you can see farther into the future than the patient and can hold on to a thought or a strategy longer than they can.
· Distracting the patient remains one of the most effective tools in helping with behavior issues. This is especially true for sexual behaviors, as a hard and fast refusal, and the resulting feelings of rejection, can trigger a more angry or violent response.
· The patient may approach strangers in a store or at a park, and act in an inappropriate manner, like hugging them. To prevent this, always place yourself between the patient and strangers so you can intervene and redirect as necessary.
· Watch for urinary tract infection and constipation. These conditions and their resulting discomfort may attract the patient’s attention to their genitals, creating the impression that the behavior is sexually motivated.
· If the patient tends to reach down their pants or take their clothes off at inappropriate times, make it harder for them to do so by having them wear closed-front or one-piece clothes.
If this man is walking willy nilly into the women's rooms, he should be stopped. Dementia can heighten sexual urges. These women need to be protected from this man. I would talk to the Administrator.
As to locks on doors it is unusual at this level of care to allow locked doors, so you can rest assured that any staff has keys. If this is witnessed again, take pictures, and then report immediately to staff if you are present.
However with the laws of reporting sex offenders and there being no age limit on when a sex offender needs not to report a change of address I just googled some information.
I asked if sex offenders are identified in MC and AL facilities.
In Illinois (where I live) requires background checks on all new admissions and mandates that residents and prospective residents be informed of their right to know if a sex offender resides in the facility.
Facilities that knowingly accept sex offenders may have enhanced safety for other residents including separate living areas or increased staffing.
I am not saying this person is a sex offender but it might be something you might want to discuss when you have your talk with administration. What are they doing to inform residents that a sex offender is being admitted to the facility and what steps will they take to ensure the safety of residents and staff,. (Informing a resident that has dementia does no good, they should inform the POA, Guardian or designated family member)
I also would be concerned about a locking or lockable door in a Memory Care unit.
So my question is, how do other residents get into moms room? Is she inviting them in or keeping her door open? Closed and locked doors 24/7 needs to be the protocol at this facility, for safety reasons. Or she may be too advanced with her dementia to tell this man to go away, idk. But your mother needs to be protected! The admin obviously knows what's going on but what is the admin DOING to stop it, thats the question?? It's time for a meeting g to get some answers and resolutions BEFORE something awful happens that mom cannot consent to.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
If what he’s doing is abuse in some form, then the medical staff there are mandated reporters. Your Mom is a vulnerable adult. Maybe time for a camera in her room if they don’t deal with this guy fast enough.
There are meds he can be prescribed for hypersexuality.
Most definitely you should have a serious talk with the adminstration and your state's Ombudsman.
This man is a predator whether he has dementia or not. No resident in a memory care facility can give consent. So any contact is a sexual assault.