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Mom is in memory care; she’s got Alzheimer’s and dementia. It takes awhile for her to realize who we are when we visit, and she needs help dressing at times.


So, recently we were called and told that Mom was in her room with a male resident, and neither had any pants on. Then maybe 2 hours later, we got a call that it happened again. We went to visit today, and my husband and I saw a male walk right into another female's room, close and lock the door. It just so happens it’s the same guy that my mother-in-law supposedly lured into her room.


I’m sorry, but obviously this guy goes into the females rooms whenever he wants to. He has recently moved in and is in a hall that has all women — he’s the only guy.


Anybody have any advice?

I absolutely despise when we see these posts. Your mother CANNOT consent and it’s their job over at her place to MAKE sure this guy doesn’t go in each room and lock the door!!!!!

I would hit up everyone you can call, Don, Manager, ombudsman etc
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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You need to protect her! With Alzheimer's dementia, she is vulnerable. She is not in any position to control who comes in to her room or consent to it!

If the Administrator of the care home is not taking action to stop this, then move her somewhere else! And report it to - I don't know who you report this to. But the care home is acting carelessly and not in their resident's best interests if a male is wandering into female's rooms and locking the door!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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The staff need to monitor this situation very closely. A woman with dementia is not capable of giving consent to any sexual activities.
I am surprised there are locks on the doors in memory care.
Let the administrator know what you have seen hapenning, and that under no circumstance is this man allowed to be alone in a closed room with your mother.
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Reply to JanPeck123
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Who is alleging that she “lured” him into her room? Did the other resident likewise “lure” him? This is serious and possibly criminal. His victims are being left vulnerable to assault - whether he knows what he’s doing it not. I am not one to recommend going nuclear as a first response, but this is one of those times that you need to get on top of this right away. Write down the dates and times of these incidents and your detailed observations and conversations with staff so you have a record. Otherwise, you will forget things. Have anyone who was with you do the same. Send a summary with the details by separate letter attached to an email to the director of this facility and demand they take corrective action regarding that male resident - not your mother. If you have an attorney, cc them at the bottom of your letter and include them on the email copy count. You do not need to pay an attorney - yet. Within legal limits, try to identify any other victim(s) or families reporting similar incidents. Encourage them to make a report. Ask for a meeting with the Director. Bring a witness with you and, if legal where you live, record the conversation. Depending on whether they take corrective action or not, you can determine if you need to make a police report. If they don’t remove this guy from the area where your relative is, if not the whole facility, I would not hesitate to go to the police with what you have. That is why you should do the steps I mentioned above first. The police are not likely to take this seriously without detailed documentation. Go to the District Attorney’s Office if the police blow you off. Go to your local news media “call for action” reporter if the police and DA blow you off. Trust me, if the facility knows you mean business, this situation likely will be resolved before any of that is necessary. But, they need to know you are serious and can and will take the steps you need to to protect your loved one. Do not be afraid and if they try to minimize it and “chuckle” it off, don’t join in that brush off response. Dementia does not excuse the facility from dealing with this. It is their duty to keep residents safe. If this resident is entering other resident’s rooms, locking the door (or not), and doing who knows what, it becomes an assault. If the facility fails to address it, it is negligence and they are facilitating an assault. That makes it a law enforcement matter. Document everything with dates and IN WRITING. If your concerns are not in writing, they don’t exist. This is not ok. The fact that it does happen in facilities with dementia patients does not make it ok. Take this seriously - nothing funny about it.
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Reply to jemfleming
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Traildawg: Inform the management of these inappropriate occurrences.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Inappropriate sexual behavior is rather common in dementia patients.
I hope it helps.

Dementia and Sex
During the course of dementia, the patient’s ability to engage in sexual activity evolves in ways that parallel the decline in other abilities. Just as the patient gradually loses track of the steps involved in brushing their teeth, grooming, or bathing, sooner or later they begin to forget the steps involved in intimate relationships and may need more help to stay sexually active.
Over time, the patient becomes oblivious to the needs of their partner, may try to engage in unusual sex acts, or may even commit sexual violence. Forgetting that they had been intimate with their partner moments ago, the patient may want to do it again, and may get angry when they are refused. As with other behavioral problems, distracting the patient is usually more effective, and potentially safer, than an outright “No!”

Sexual Behavior in Nursing Homes
Most of the research into inappropriate sexual behavior has focused on nursing homes. Their findings and solutions, however, are equally applicable to patients living at home.
·      Drug-based interventions are more prevalent at nursing homes because of their ease of use and a shortage of trained staff. However, care-based interventions are often more effective at helping with behavioral problems, including sexual issues.
·      In nursing homes, it is recommended that patients reside in single rooms. The ladies’ and men’s wards should be separate and on different floors, and served by female and male staff respectively. TV programs and print materials should be controlled for content that may be sexually arousing.
·      Tell the patient when a particular behavior is inappropriate. If a male patient enters the room of a female patient, gently direct him to his own room, and say something like: “Gentlemen should not enter ladies’ rooms.”
·      Educational interventions, including explanations, are less likely to work with dementia patients, however. Memory problems make it difficult for dementia patients to learn and remember, while impaired reasoning and impulse control make it difficult for patients to follow your logic or redirect their behavior.

Managing Sexual Behavior
Reduce inappropriate sexual behavior by anticipating it and redirecting the patient. In both these areas you have a significant advantage: you can see farther into the future than the patient and can hold on to a thought or a strategy longer than they can.
·      Distracting the patient remains one of the most effective tools in helping with behavior issues. This is especially true for sexual behaviors, as a hard and fast refusal, and the resulting feelings of rejection, can trigger a more angry or violent response.
·      The patient may approach strangers in a store or at a park, and act in an inappropriate manner, like hugging them. To prevent this, always place yourself between the patient and strangers so you can intervene and redirect as necessary.
·      Watch for urinary tract infection and constipation. These conditions and their resulting discomfort may attract the patient’s attention to their genitals, creating the impression that the behavior is sexually motivated.
·      If the patient tends to reach down their pants or take their clothes off at inappropriate times, make it harder for them to do so by having them wear closed-front or one-piece clothes.
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Reply to Samad1
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jemfleming Jun 8, 2025
Protect the victim(s) - not the victimizer - intentional or not.
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At first reading I thought it was a male employee. Being a resident changes things a bit. But this is an unacceptable and dangerous situation.
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Reply to Franklymydear
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In one of the LTCs my daughter worked, a couple thought they were married. The spouses were aware and had to allow them to think that way, otherwise they would scream and hollar. She has walked in on people too. Not much you can do because even with Dementia they have rights.

If this man is walking willy nilly into the women's rooms, he should be stopped. Dementia can heighten sexual urges. These women need to be protected from this man. I would talk to the Administrator.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Discuss at once with management. Don't discuss with floor staff unless they are brought into the management meeting. Clearly this is a matter of mismanagement.
As to locks on doors it is unusual at this level of care to allow locked doors, so you can rest assured that any staff has keys. If this is witnessed again, take pictures, and then report immediately to staff if you are present.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Inappropriate sexual advances can be common with some forms of dementia. The concern must be addressed to the administration.
However with the laws of reporting sex offenders and there being no age limit on when a sex offender needs not to report a change of address I just googled some information.
I asked if sex offenders are identified in MC and AL facilities.
In Illinois (where I live) requires background checks on all new admissions and mandates that residents and prospective residents be informed of their right to know if a sex offender resides in the facility.
Facilities that knowingly accept sex offenders may have enhanced safety for other residents including separate living areas or increased staffing.
I am not saying this person is a sex offender but it might be something you might want to discuss when you have your talk with administration. What are they doing to inform residents that a sex offender is being admitted to the facility and what steps will they take to ensure the safety of residents and staff,. (Informing a resident that has dementia does no good, they should inform the POA, Guardian or designated family member)

I also would be concerned about a locking or lockable door in a Memory Care unit.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Unacceptable! Your mom needs protecting from both this man and her own lack of being able to make sound judgments. This is exactly the job memory care is expected to be doing. Meet with the director and see if they will work out how to prevent this. If not, you’ll know mom isn’t safe there
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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My mother's Memory Care Assisted Living facility rooms ALL had locks on their doors. The doors automatically locked when they closed in order to keep residents OUT of one another's rooms. Mom wore her key on a stretchy cord around her wrist. If she forgot it, the aides would let her in, but only her, nobody else. This is how her belongings never went missing and how men didn't show up in her room w/o pants on.

So my question is, how do other residents get into moms room? Is she inviting them in or keeping her door open? Closed and locked doors 24/7 needs to be the protocol at this facility, for safety reasons. Or she may be too advanced with her dementia to tell this man to go away, idk. But your mother needs to be protected! The admin obviously knows what's going on but what is the admin DOING to stop it, thats the question?? It's time for a meeting g to get some answers and resolutions BEFORE something awful happens that mom cannot consent to.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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BurntCaregiver Jun 5, 2025
Wow. I'm glad your mother was in a decent place like that. You're right about the OP's mother needing to be protected. Memory care is supposed to have security (not overworked, underpaid CNA's who also have to get all the care done) whose job it is to make sure the residents are safe. We had security guards at the AL I worked at. Their job was security only and this wasn't even a memory care facility.
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Maybe he needs to outfitted in an anti-strip onesie so he’ll be forced to keep his clothes on.

If what he’s doing is abuse in some form, then the medical staff there are mandated reporters. Your Mom is a vulnerable adult. Maybe time for a camera in her room if they don’t deal with this guy fast enough.

There are meds he can be prescribed for hypersexuality.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Why are there locks on the doors of the residents' rooms in a memory care facility? That raises a red flag for me right there as to the quality of your MIL is in.

Most definitely you should have a serious talk with the adminstration and your state's Ombudsman.

This man is a predator whether he has dementia or not. No resident in a memory care facility can give consent. So any contact is a sexual assault.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Discuss this with the administration. They need to know about it if they don't already, and the women need to be protected from this predator.
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Reply to Fawnby
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