This site has been so helpful for me. Mom went in the nursing home last August, age 87, frequent falls and bone breaks, almost blind and needed 24 hour care. We thought therapy might be enough for her, but she continues to decline. She gets very angry when she says she is coming home and the doctor, the nursing home and I tell her she can't. Her biggest worry is money, but she has enough to stay there for sometime. I have trouble having her home for visits, because she can't transfer alone and I am not able to help her get in and out of chairs alone.
I live in her house, sold my home years ago and put that investment in her home to get much needed repairs and updating done. She would have been in a nursing home years ago if I wasn't here to help her.
That is the background. She told me today she doesn't think she can do anything to make her legs stronger, she can walk short distances in a walker with help. Normally her thought process is she will get better at home, because she won't be restricted. They have to use alarms with her because she is compulsive and non compliant.
The last day or so she has said several times that it would be easier on me if she was gone. She has never talked like that and it is bothering me. She is such a worrier and has anxiety issues, so she just sits in her room and worries. She doesn't do activities and is very eager to tell anyone who listens how she hates it there. She can't come home, because she needs care available 24 hours and I can't do that.
I told her tonight, to quit talking like that, but I am really concerned about her thought process now. Also, the caregiver that helped at home for 8 months just passed away last week and she was only 58. Mom got close to her and she was absolutely the best helper anyone could ever have. That really upset mom, she was thinking she could get her to help again, when she came home.
She told me today she is going to try to stay there through April, but she doesn't know if she can do it. She is starting to get confused a little. She refers to her room as a cabin sometimes. She also tells the night nurse to be careful in the alley with the med cart. But she can tell you how much money she has, what she has spent there and many other details.
Medically she is declining, having some GI issues, frequent headaches and a huge decline in stamina.
I don't know what else to do for her. I have tried decorating her room, going to activities with her, volunteering, going to eat with her there. She is in the same town, so I do see her 3-4 times a week. I don't get much support from siblings, none live here, but one is here about half the year. They rarely call her and only after I push them to call.
She just went to the dr yesterday and he didn't change any meds and told me she won't ever be happy there, as much as we all want her to be.
How do I respond to her comments about dying? Does this mean she is giving up? This is so sad and I feel bad, but also helpless.