She moved to an assisted living place near me 4 months ago. She doesn't eat or socialize with other residents, hates bingo etc, but she's always been that way, nothing new. She's stated that she's lived too long, is just taking up room, feels guilty about my added responsibilities. f I reassure her constantly about how much I love her, how important she is, and that it's my joy to help with things. She won't take medication, just blood pressure and thyroid, rarely Tylenol for pain. She has memory problems, but not too bad compared to many. I try to have her go outside for fresh air, but she won't right now. She does go down from her apartment to order her meals, then back down to pick them up, so she gets out about 6 times a day, has a Visiting Angel come twice a week, and me the other days. Is there anything else I can do to give her a purpose to live and enjoy what she can? She's healthy, no diseases, and could conceivably live another decade, but not want to. She's never been diagnosed with a mental illness, though I have and am very familiar with depression. I don't think she would ever take antidepressants even if she were diagnosed.

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I need to correct something- she lives in an independent living arrangement- a small apartment house with separate apartments, once a week housekeeping, meals prepared and usually eaten in a centralized location, some planned outings. Other than that, she's on her own. She takes care of showering with Visiting Angels, but can dress and take care of hygiene. She grew up in a big city on the East Coast, but now lives in podunk middle american, and straight doesn't like the midwest mindset. Very little to interest her. She just gets tired so easily it's hard to get her to go for a ride with me or go to the library in town. I'll take the suggestions i've received here and some other boards here and will try not to get discouraged with her.
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I'm going to be something of a meanie here. Why should mom settle in to AL if she has a Visiting Angel or you coming every day? Either take her to an activity when you visit, if you're going to visit that often, or back off the visiting a bit and let her fend for herself a bit. My mom also hated bingo, but there was a stock market club and other activities that she started to enjoy once she started going.
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Bookish, we have to remember it's tough getting old. Lot of aches and pains. Some missing hearing, poor eye sight. Food doesn't taste as good. Can't drive any more so no more hopping in the car to go shopping. At 92 most of her friends have either moved away or passed on. Even taking a shower and getting dress isn't easy any more and sometimes the elder needs help from an Aide. And now they live in a studio or one bedroom apartment.

Moving to a new place isn't easy. Just think of your last big move, four months you are still trying to learn what light switch works which light. Learn new sounds the furnace makes. What's that noise from the dishwasher? I heard scratching sounds from the attic !!

Did your Mom have any hobbies? My Dad had a huge fascination with the weather. Even though he didn't go to BINGO, painting classes, or any of the other activities, he was happy as a clam sitting in his recliner watch the local 24-hour news station. I always knew if I wanted to know about the local weather, I could call Dad :) Now Dad did enjoy eating with his table mates, he looked forward to that.

My late Mom had arthritis and I know how uncomfortable that was for her, but she would plow through her day doing housework. My Mom would have been like your Mom if she had lived in Assisted Living... but Mom, who use to be a social butterfly, stopped doing that once her eyesight and hearing went :(

Once an elder gets into their 90's, they have a right to be grumpy and there may be nothing we can do about it. And if they want ice cream for breakfast, let them have it :)
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