Lets see..i have never really reached out to anyone to express my true feelings on what i have been dealing with for the past 10 years.
Its all startes when i was a junior in high school. About 2007. I was 17 at the time..now 27.. My mother became paralyzed from the waist down. Completely bed ridden. To this day nor my father or mother have told me exactly what happened despite me asking multiple times. All i know is that she has slipped disks and herniated disks in her back. She was having trouble walking and falling a lot before she woke up one morning and could not get out of bed. It was the day after halloween. Ill never forget it.
Next came the first nearly year long stay in the hospital after she had back surgery where they said shed have a 50 50 chance of walking again. Well it didnt work she was kept in an induced coma for about 4 or 5 months. Over the next few years we remolded our home so she could fit a wheel chair thru all doors and turned. Bedroom into a handicapped accessible bathroom. I ended up dropping out of school to help care for her. Its been 10 very long years and just recently in the past id say 2 years have been experiencing horrible depression and anxiety. I couldn't hold a job due to feeling guilty that i was gone.
Im 27 working full time now. Still living with her and caring for her. I feel bad writing this.. But ive never fully expressed my feelings with anyone. I feel very overwhelmed.. Sad..even mad at times. I so badly want to have my own life. When i express these feelings to my father he says that this is our life now. I cry. A lot and sometimes i just cant controll it. Ive been on zoloft but it made me feel like a zombie. Whats next? I feel bad getting angry but it hurts to see her just lay in a hospital bed all day. Any words of encouragement out there?