Well, it has been decided that Mom will go into the AL/Memory Care unit 2 blocks from my husband's office where I work 3 days per week. We toured yesterday with my daughter so she could pump up her Meemaw with excitement (if I did it rejection would surely follow). The assessment is next week after her primary care follow up appointment. We have paid the community fee and are starting to prepare for the move.

I feel the real reason behind her wanting to move is because during her recent UTI she experienced what she felt as being kept in a dark room with people she didn't know and was given sedatives/pills being pushed on her. When I returned from my trip with my son and DIL to try to adopt a baby she was almost out of the delirium but still slightly in it's grasp. I explained it to her but she still believes she was kept offsite and given meds to keep her down. I feel she doesn't trust us anymore but I also she can't reason out what happened to her. Should I let it go or have her doctor explain it to her?It will probably happen again because that is the nature of dementia and toileting/incontinence. She will tell everyone this is what happened to her and seek sympathy from outsiders who will believe her at the AL when we move in the first of March. She will also tell her friends back in our home town.

I am ready for this to happen as I know I have tried to be her caregiver. There is no closeness between us and barely ever has been. I have realized why she never wanted to move here after Daddy died. Her home they built, the accumulated stuff/hoarding, her friends and pretense/mask of keeping up appearances mattered more than moving here to be with her only (adopted) child and 3 grandchildren. I really thought she would appreciate me and love me for taking care of her but all she can do is remind me how I told her at 5 years old "I wish you had never adopted me! or "You hate me" (interpreted I should have never adopted you/ I hate you). Forgiveness is not in her nature and harboring grudges is her MO. I so wish things could be different but am relieved that I will be delegating her care from now on.

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Thank you, Churchmouse!
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Not this time, no. What are the odds she'd take in his explanation and realise her mistake? I should try to let it go, and if it does come up at the assessment you can always account for where her misunderstanding came from.

And then once she is in the ALF, good communication with elderly people is part of best practice anyway - so explaining this kind of cause-and-effect will be one more thing you no longer have to wrestle with. A good reason for the move, to complement her dotty one!
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