My DH, no cognitive issues, had a uretal stent placed last week after surgery to get out a kidney stone. Given antibiotics and some other meds to take. Needs another surgery in a couple of weks to get out second stone.

Just told me he's having trouble peeing. Running 101.4 temp. Stopped taking antibiotics 3 days ago. Because? He knows better?

He called his doc's office and they told him to go to the ER. I said "that's nice". He says he'll go in the AM.

I am not gonna turn into a nursemaid for this 65 year old competent human being. If he wants to have some sort of quality of life, he can take care of himself.

I have a stubborn one and almost deaf to boot. He had prostrate one day surgery. Was told no lifting, no mowing, no driving and no golf because of the cart. Has been threatening all week to mow the lawn. Not sure if he just wants to hear me hollar or serious. Driving me nuts being home all the time.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29

You might tell him that if clots form he will only be able to pee blood,will be in excruciating pain even with morphine and other opioids, will have to be cathetorized,clots will have to be pulled out through the catheter and should an infection stay in his body he will be in even more trouble. This is what happened to my husband through no fault of his own after a biopsy of his prostrate. I never heard such sounds of pain from being in 3 labor wards.
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Reply to Riverdale

DH (and I use that term loosely right now) got send out of ER at 4 AM; I did not go with him to the ER but I parked nearby (this is NYC folks) and slept fitfully in the car for a couple of hours.

He has a raging UTI and now has a new script, which was mistakenly sent to hospital pharmacy in the middle of the night. Just made 4 phone calls to get that corrected. Will go and pick up script when it's ready in 30 minutes or so.

I could kill him. Such unnecessary drama and danger to his health, his artificial valve; risk of antibiotic resistant infections, etc.

He said "the nurse in the ER yelled at me for not taking my meds". (Such a good thing!).
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

I don't think all men are this stubborn.... but I have one also.

Mine left hospital after hernia day surgery. Advice given to NOT eat too much afterwards & take TWO strong pain meds. After a FULL dinner & NO meds, while vomiting & crawling on all fours down the hallway writhing in pain, I asked if he need would like the pain killers now?

"I'll take half of one".

Breathe deeply, do something to take your mind off it. Deal with calls from hospital as you need to.

Your friend with the bike story! Wow! Lol I will remeber that one.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Beatty

Oh Barb!
When my husband wants to refuse medical intervention....
I tell him one of two things....


If you are going to continue behaving this stupidly, I think we should triple your life insurance....


You know when you refuse to take/do something that could make you feel better.... You start to look less intelligent to me.

I sincerely hope one of those made you giggle.

Can't live with them.
Can't shoot them.

Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to sparkles87
JoAnn29 May 25, 2019
Love the insurance thing.
Just dropped him off at the ER. We'll see how he does on his own

I have a good friend whose husband was terribly injured in a bike accident. In a body cast for 6 months. Told to ride his bike ONLY in the park thereafter.

He went out on the road. Skidded. Fell. Needed hip replacement. When the EMTs called her she said, "have the hospital call me when they are discharging him. I'll send a cab."

I'm channeling her right now. He needs to learn that his choices have consequences.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
dlpandjep May 24, 2019
Glad to hear he's where he needs to be.  Take care of you.  Your blood pressure is up!
Barb, don't you love it how spouses/sig-others think they know more than the doctor :P

I've been down that kidney stone route for myself as the patient, no joy ride. In fact, I even wound up in the ER with an urinary tract infection after the surgery was done. And here I was following the doctor's orders line by line.

I know you won't get much sleep tonight as we are geared to worried about things like this. If only your hubby would have taken those antibiotics. What is hubby doing about the fever? Ignoring it?

In my household, my sig-other is the opposite, he is a text-book hypochondriac. Drives me nuts. So I don't know which is worse.

Hope hubby passes that next kidney stone and doesn't need the surgery.

In the mean time, count to ten.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to freqflyer

Call an ambulance.  Let them in and have them take him to the hospital.  Then go to bed and try to get some rest.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to dlpandjep

Of course he's got an infection. Perhaps best to kiss and makeup this time, at least if he shows any understanding, remorse and willingness to be more sensible.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

He needs to go now, he might have an infection. Why are men like this!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Stephanie4181

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