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Has fallen several times in the last few weeks, is mentally pretty sharp. Insists he can be alone or wants only family member to care day and night which is not possible. I fear it will take a significant fall to scare him to see the reality. Don’t want that to happen, but can’t get him to see the possibilities. However, what are the legal ramifications for us adult children in NY if that happens?

Debbra, many of us had to wait for that 911 moment when we had an elder parent who refused any type of help. We are just "the kids" and what do we know :P

I remember when my Mom went to the hospital after a bad fall. The doctor said she needed a caregiver. Mom refused. She insisted that my Dad could catch her if she fell. Yeah, right, it could take Dad 5 minutes just to get off the sofa as he was a fall risk himself. Both were in their 90's, Mom refused to downsize, the whole nine yards.

Then came another fall for my Mom, this time very serious. Mom never returned home. Sadly so many of us had to wait for this to happen.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Thank you for responding. You have confirmed what I suspected and, although not ideal, it seems to be the right course. Best to you
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Reply to Debbra24
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Don't you just love technology.

If APS or Office of Aging were to check on him and suggest an aide and he refused they would say he is of sound mind and able to make his own decisions. Then they would walk away. Don't see why this wouldn't pertain to Adult Children too. You cannot force your Dad to do what you know is good for him.

What you can do is check up on him. Make sure he is taking his meds. If you need to get a pill case. They have them for weeks at a time. Make sure he has food in the fridge. That the house is relatively clean, but in that instance even if dirty APS would say "If that is the way they want to live". Unless they are a risk to themselves or others APS really doesn't get involved. Look for changes in him. But when all is said and done, a crisis may have to happen for him to see the light.

Call your local Office of aging. Run your concerns by them. Just remember, you can not be forced to care for him. If he lands in the hospital and then rehab make rehab aware that he lives alone and will not allow an aide in his home. And you cannot care for him. Your responsibility is to make sure he is fed, safe, clean and cared for. If that means an AL or NH, so be it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Is he cognitively impaired at all? My guess is the best way to make sure you are protected is to make sure a doctor sees him and makes a note that he has all of his faculties, that way you are covered and even if he doesn't the doctor now has some liability interest. But as long as he is deemed capable of making medical decisions for himself still he has the right to refuse care. As a fall risk you and the doctor might be able to convince him to at least let someone come in to asses the home and make suggestions for how to minimize fall risk, maybe he will warm up to the idea of having someone visit more permanently? Still if not and if everyone has signed off on him you may be stuck with resigning yourself to letting it go until he either has a cardiac incident or a fall hat lands him in the hospital. You could try talking to him about how anxious it makes you and how horrible a hospital episode would be but that probably only has a chance of hitting home if he has had a hospital stay with his heart issues or after a fall and it's been a process and even then if he's that stubborn and chooses not to be realistic it might get you right back to biding your time. If that's where you land you really do need to try and let some of it go, I mean be vigilant about keeping on top of things but live your life, he's choosing to live his this way.

That said we need to track my moms weight and blood sugar daily, she's Type 2 diabetic hence the BS and weight because of her heart issues. She doesn't often show it in her extremities so we track her fluid retention through her weight, we also have to carefully monitor her water intake because when she doesn't get her minimum requirement she retains water, her kidneys get unhappy and the diuretic doesn't work it's just hard on her already compromised kidneys. Anyway we do that with an overhead camera that we can use to monitor that she has taken meds and see her numbers each day. If she isn't doing these things we call and bug her. She also has both an emergency button that calls us and or 911 depending on how we program it (no monthly charges this way) she is supposed to wear and her cell phone she is supposed to take with her always so we can always get in touch with her and she can always call for help. She also has an Amazon Show in the kitchen and in her main room so if we can't get in touch we can "drop in" and see at least a good part of the house. It's not ideal but it's working for now pretty well, she too is resistant to the idea of having someone come in even a few days a week for a couple of hours but that's coming. Good luck.
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Reply to Lymie61
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