Resources in our area are limited. COVID made that worse. Would prefer to arrange home care to supplement the 24/7 care I’ve provided these 4 yrs., but few helpers are available.
If mom is placed, I will still spend lots of time attending to her.
I wonder if dealing with a facility would add to the stress I feel or lighten the load. I think it might add to it, with COVID problems, short staff, etc. Maybe some of you relate to the idea that “I can do it better, myself”. But, then my life is hers 24/7. She doesn’t like to see me leave for my few days off.
I recently texted sister and said that I can’t do with a break only every 4 months or so, and that I am thinking I will only commit to one more year here. She replied that she can’t take mom in, as their lives are too busy, but she would try to make the 5 hr. trip here more often.
That would help, but I didn’t suggest that she “take” mom. My other sibling in Colorado is not a choice. And I don’t want mom to feel like an unwanted burden, either. My mom is precious to me. But, I can’t stand my loss of autonomy and liberty much longer. I have lived alone most of my life. Makes it hard to live with someone else. Mom doesn’t get that.
Mom is very controlling. Always wants to know what I’m doing, what is this, what is that? It kills me to surrender my own autonomy like this. I can hardly stand it sometimes. I am a patient and loving person, otherwise I’d snap at her.
One solution I am thinking of is to get a small house so I have somewhere to go instead of a dive motel on my few days away every few months. My sister said I should wait with that until my caregiving days are done. But I am thinking, it might give me something to look forward to and to feel that, yes! There is life after this! I need something to look forward to.
Probably not till next Spring, but, that seems a good idea to me (if I can find anything I can afford).
I am needing help to work through my feelings of abandoning mom to a facility. I don’t think I can do it until she feels ready. But, I need a solution for myself so I can go the long-haul, if I must. Things change often. Wonder if anyone has thoughts?