I have had some people that tried to invite themselves to my father's memorial service this coming weekend. Some of these people just want to show up to get the attention that they want or they want me to do something for them that I am not comfortable with (Some of these people my father never met when he was alive or he knew them and didn't like them.) I haven't given them the address of the service or the date of the service (I know others that know them that enjoy gossiping and trust me, those people are not invited to the service) but I do plan to stand my ground with them, along with my mother, if they do show up unexpectedly.

I am wondering if there are others out there that had to deal with this kind of crap? It just infuriates me that people want to turn the service into their own show.

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I am glad things went as well.
Helpful Answer (1)

Memorial services are usually private. Obits usually say "memorial service will be held at a later date"

A viewing is usually public and a funeral service. Graveside can be private. Which is what I did and those people were invited to the luncheon.

I would just say " Sorry, this is a private service of immediate family and very close friends of Dads" If they show up let it go. Not the time or the place. If you have a luncheon arranged just say you would love to invite them but arrangements were only made for the people initially invited. And don't feel bad. They weren't invited. And do u care? Try to keep Mom away from them so she doesn't invite them. The older people were raised not to offend anyone.

So sorry for the loss of your Dad. Come back and tell us how it worked out.
Helpful Answer (6)
Anonymous1256 Nov 2019
Had the memorial service today-Went well, about 30 people showed up, no unexpected folks showed up. I cried a little today at the service but that was expected-This was not a happy occasion. Thank you for your thoughts, JoAnn
Well, I find it extremely odd. I remember my MIL saying at her father’s wake that many of their relatives who showed up at the wake were also invited to her lovely wedding and none of them showed up to the wedding. Like she said. “Let someone die and they show up in droves.”

I think for some people it’s old school habits, their way of showing their last respects or perhaps they have a guilty conscience about something and they feel this is a way to redeem themselves.

Sometimes, the kindest thing people can do for others is to just leave them alone and allow them to have peace. There is too much water under the bridge.

Honestly, I get tired of trying to figure some people out. There are so many hypocrites in this world. Some are just plain nosey! It’s so refreshing to see genuine people who truly are caring.

Sorry for the loss of your father. Do whatever you need to do to have a harmonious day.

Some feel entitled to impose on others. If they were not your father’s friends they do not have the right to be there. Why should anyone make you feel uncomfortable on a day that you are honoring your father? I understand how you feel. Have you stated that the service is only for intimate family and friends?

I have a friend who was severely abused by her husband. She ended up in the hospital and a woman’s shelter from the intense abuse.

Her crazy ex saw in the newspaper that her father died and tried to use his wake and funeral as a way to see her again! She had a restraining order on him and he was still going to go!

Fortunately, the people that her ex told that he was going to attend the wake immediately called her to let her know that he wanted to be there.

Her father hated this man for abusing his daughter. Get this, this fool actually said that he wanted to ‘comfort her’ after the loss of her father. What gall!

My friend actually breaks out in hives and has panic attacks just thinking about her ex, severe PTSD. She had to go to therapy to help. So sad that her ex ruined her life. I saw a drastic change in her after being married to him. It broke my heart.

She called her brother who hates her ex for beating up his sister and fortunately he told his sister that he would not allow her ex anywhere near the funeral. He hired security to prevent him entering the premises. Isn’t that sad that he had to hire a police officer to stop this idiot from upsetting his sister on a day that was about honoring her father?

Take care and many hugs.
Helpful Answer (2)
Isthisrealyreal Nov 2019
I guess I am awful because I wouldn't have hired anyone to keep him away, I would have hired people to show him how it felt to get beat so bad that you have PTSD. A taste of his own medicine and a good large dose at that.
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