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Klabbe I don't mean to be heartless but when I read that you're just forward planning and your mother isn't dead yet...

Actually, you know what, this isn't cruel gallows humour - it could be the beginnings of a productive conversation. Have you thought about asking your mother how she'd like to be remembered? Make it a general reminiscence type talk, I mean; don't sit there with your reporter's notebook on your knee.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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O that’s a very good idea. !
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Reply to klabbe698
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When my nephew passed at 21 the wonderful woman at the crematorium asked me a series of questions and wrote the obit.

If you plan on speaking at her funeral just address that she fought a good fight and her suffering is over. My sister had become a hermit with a chip on her shoulder, so the aunt asked to speak stuck to her quirks, like fear of freeway, then basically talked about the people left behind. It is hard when people leave this world leaving no nice or loving memories.

Hugs! You will get through this and find peace.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Maybe just say that 'it's good her sufferings are now over', & talk about her past occupation or hobbies she had...(just to fill in the obituary a little). Perhaps writing the obituary from the standpoint of a stranger would be helpful; I mean, write it as if you were writing about just a neighbor (instead your mom). I feel ur pain, have to do this soon myself. Our moms were actually more like strangers to us anyway, when you think about it. At least mine is. Take comfort that God knows every detail & doesn't find us guilty.
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Reply to Tiger55
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You can google samples of eulogies for difficult people.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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I’m sorry if your mom just passed.

Im not sure if you are wanting help with the obit or just realizing how empty you feel at this point.

An obituary doesn’t require you to list accolades.
Primarily it is intended as a notice that a person has died.
They can run on very long with just the basic information of date and place of birth and death, predecessors and survivors, life work or interests, date and time of any service planned. Some contain much less than that.

Without your mom’s life, yours would not be, regardless of any other fact.

There is no need to judge her or her life. Let it go for now. You will have plenty of time to reflect.

If she is having a funeral, the staff will ask you the necessary questions that can make up the notice.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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You can simply state the facts of her life in the obituary...no more is needed. I agree with Barb...the obituary does not have to be a eulogy (although some are!). I have a narcissistic MIL and I understand your dilemma!
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Reply to Monica19815
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Who's going to be reading or listening?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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klabbe698 Jun 3, 2019
That I do not know for now. She hasn’t passed yet but I’m just trying to figure out things
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An obituary or a eulogy? An obit just contains facts; birthplace, education, married to, child of, etc.

If it's a eulogy, I'd decline to speak and ask someone else to. Grandchildren are good eulogists.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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