Mostly estranged daughter for past 40-50 years offering to take mom and dad into her home 100+ miles away from other sibs who have all been active participants in their lives. Both parents have repeatedly stated for years they can’t stand daughter’s spouse whom has a not so nice nickname, though daughter has no clue about this dislike. 2 of 4 sibs totally agree with doctor to have dad/mom live at beautiful local assisted living/memory care facility for medical and socialization reasons, but other two sibs are in denial of situation, possibly feel obligated/guilty and/or seeing their inheritance dwindling. Mom has advanced dementia (incl severe sundowning, numerous falls incl breaking hip twice in 1 month) and while dr didn’t say she had 6 mos to live, he gave a pretty clear similar example she did.
Dad with mid stage dementia taken on a tour of assisted living facility then estranged daughter says he can live there, or she can take both of them into her home, giving him one week to decide. Dad is extremely confused in what to do, and feels he needs to discuss matters with wife with dementia who will not understand, get angry, etc. She is currently living in a nursing facility for past 3-4 month’s healing from 2 fractured hip surgeries.
Parents are in a financial situation where house needs to be sold, but both could live out the remainder of their lives in assisted living/memory care and be fine financially for rest of lives. Dad now tasked with making a decision some of sibs don’t believe he is capable of making (and shouldn’t be asked). Says he guesses he will have to learn to tolerate son in law in order to make living at daughters home work. Son in laws own mother recently sick/died, but he did nothing to help during her illness, it was all on the daughter.
A lot of dynamics going on, but want best care for both parents, including socialization opportunities they would likely have at assisted living facility. Mom is great lady, but is both a physical and emotional drain on current 24/7 caregiver she has with her in nursing facility to ensure she does not get out of bed and injure herself. Dad is jovial and easy to get along with but presents with neuropathy, frequent falls, and mid level dementia. Love them both to pieces. Only want to move them once, getting best care. The only plus dad says about living with daughter is good cooking, which he would also get at A/L. Any thoughts/suggestions would be helpful. Thanks for listening.