Long story short-I live in another state from my late father. He went into hospital in January, I was his POA. I’m an only child and he was divorced, so I’ve been handling everything alone. Including dealing with the fact that he was POA for my grandmother (she’s 99) and left a vacuum when he got ill and subsequently died. Got her sorted out and since April I’ve been dealing with his out of state house, belongings and vehicle, insurance, probate court, etc.
Dad was cremated and I’m finally having a memorial service for him in his hometown, where he wanted to be buried. I don’t think a lot of people will attend but it may be more than I’m expecting. Following the service will be the burial at the cemetery. I did not plan anything afterwards, like a reception. I’m exhausted and my vacation starts right after the service. I’m worn out from doing everything alone. I’m starting to feel worried, though, that folks may be expecting a reception after the burial.
I may suggest going out to dinner with a few close family members but that’s it. Should I feel bad about that? I don’t know that I have the brain cells left to devote to that guilt trip, lol. I’m also not a local in that town where the service will be. I wouldn’t know where to book a reception and without knowing how many would come—you see my dilemma.
You should NOT “FEEL BAD” about ANYTHING.
Have the Funeral Director thank everyone for coming at the end of the service and say that the graveside service is private. Handling it this way is very common around here.
Save those brain cells for your vacation, and RELISH EVERY MINUTE OF THAT!
Yes, you might plan to repair to a restaurant with a quiet meal after with close family , but anyone who expects a "reception" is out of line in their expectations.
I am so sorry for your loss.
This is one tradition I just don't get. After the physical and emotional exhaustion of planning and arranging a funeral, why add more work and expense?
The memorial service is just that. No one expects to be wined and dined.
People that are local will be just fine.
If you want to meet with some close friends after or if there are out of town people that attend having a lunch would be nice. But it could be as simple as going to a local park, one that dad might have enjoyed and get a delivery of sub sandwiches or pizza and just have a pleasant relaxed lunch.
With family, yes go out have dinner have a nice visit.
If you have a schedule printed with the "events" the Memorial, the Cemetery and any notes or thoughts people will know by reading that that there are no plans for a lunch or dinner. (any one with enough b&11s to ask is not someone I would want to have a meal with anyway!)
You're managing a incredible workload and you're doing great. NO need for guilt and do not allow others to pressure you, LAnn!
My condolences on your great loss. *hug*
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