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My parents and siblings were always close, but since my Mother passed, my two brothers and I do not get together much anymore. My younger brother who is intelligent and educated has really pulled back from a relationship with myself and my other brother.


I had put him down as my Executor and POA for everything years ago when I had my will done. He has no children, is married, but he and his wife are very private and don't care to share anything. They also criticize everyone. They are perfect and everyone else that has a problem or concern is not of interest to them. I know he does not want to be bothered with me or my other brother. He and his wife have turned very cold toward family. It's very sad.


I have no one else to put in charge of my affairs. I have no children or close relatives or friends. What can I do? I really don't want to pay an attorney to do it. I have a niece, but we are not real close and I don't know that I can trust her and her husband to be honest when handling my money.


Any knowledgeable advice you can share with me will be appreciated.

Look for a CERTIFIED geriatric care coordinator, usually a licensed nurse or social worker. Elder care locator 800-677-1116. Eldercarelocator@n4a.org https://elder care.acl.gov.Silver Bills is a bill paying agency. You can ask for references or anyone you know, support groups etc for recommendations.
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Reply to KathleenQ
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Check out Professional fiduciaries (in CA - Professional Fiduciaries of CA)
They are licensed and bonded. Have an attorney do your Revocable living trust listing yourself ( as long as capable) as trustee with fiduciary listed as successor trustee.
Just as a special needs trust can provide for a dependent child - a pet trust for pets - this can provide for your financial administration if you can't.
You need to decide what care/ who/ and have the finances to pay for it and put it in trust.
I would not trust or burden any family member with this.
Their fees can be retainers until time of need (some do not charge until needed) and then a set amount to administer the financial aspects. They can see the care giving is done per terms of trust as long as you have provided funds to pay for or stipulated what you want in the event you are incapable.
I would rather do this than trust the court or family.
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Reply to desert192
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I have absolutely no living family and almost all friends are gone (I will be 88). Some years ago I had everything put into trust (that way no one - family, no one could interfere or see what I had or was doing, and no probate involved). I went through quite few "friends" who really were not friends to find someone. They are now "gone" due to lack of interest or ability or other reasons. It took me literally years to find two wonderful friends who are now my POA/Executrixes. I trust them completely. However, I went a step further. Every six months I review every single facet of my life and update every single record and make sure everything is l00% perfect and current. When I have legal questions, I ask an attorney for advice (often they give free consultations), I do all of my own very extensive research on the computer and phone (I am l00% with it and am able to do so). I work with banks, etc. to make sure accounts are set up properly so my wishes are what will happen. I have all kinds of documents for medical care and end of life wishes. In other words, I cover myself completely - with legal written documents. In your case, perhaps an eldercare attorney could administer your estate. Forget about your family an friends - look at it as business deal. Seek out professionals, interview them and you will find your answers. I did. You can too.
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Reply to Riley2166
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polarbear Jun 21, 2021
Wow! Riley, you're my hero.

I've been planning to work on setting up a trust for the last couple of years. Really want to get it done this year.
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When there are no relatives and no friends who are either close enough or willing to take on this onerous task you are left with a paid Fiduciary. This is required by MANY. For instance, my bro's ex and his friend were cared for by my bro until he died. They then required a fiduciary who was assigned by agreement with the ex's lawyer. See an Elder Law Attorney or a Trust and Estate Lawyer. They are familiar with people in your area who do this work. Wishing you good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Caregiverhelp11 Jun 17, 2021
It's my understanding they charge a LOT for these services and I don't have a big estate.
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Based upon the facts you describe, there is no other option. You have no willing relatives and no friends who want to get involved. Call your Council on Aging and see what ideas they may have and what resources there are in your state for someone in your situation. You don’t know how much any option will cost unless you start the process and ask. Or you can just wait and reach the point of self neglect and hope you are visible enough in the community for someone to make a self neglect report. In that case, the state will have no alternative but to step in and plan for your care. If you have limited resources, call your local legal aid and see if they will help you.
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Reply to Chellyfla
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You have some good suggestions here. If you have no family that you can trust to fulfill your wishes and follow your living will directives you don't have any other alternative but to find an eldercare attorney. See if the Office on Aging in your staff can refer you to legal assistance for the elderly.

I am in somewhat of the same situation in that all the immediate family that I am close to is deceased. My foster son lives in Asia. My friends of my age .... it is a coin toss who will survive who. But I have made wonderful friends in my life (yes, a few of them are younger than me) and some of them are even better than family. I have designated 1 with 2 contingencies and my attorney will fill the gap if none of them are available. It situation occurs more than you might think.
Good Luck in your quest.
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Reply to geddyupgo
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First, I would do some research and determine the extent to which you'll need someone to handle your final affairs.    Trusts were pushed decades ago by fringe attorneys.   I questioned how many people really, truly, needed a Living Trust.    You really should have a Will, though,  but I would consider one in a firm with complimentary practice areas, such as real estate, if you have property to dispose of.

Second, list your assets, real estate, financial, collectibles and anything else.   Given the description of your relatives, it doesn't seem as though they would be inheritance candidates.  

Third, think about who you want to have your assets, and more specifically, which ones might be donated.  E.g., if you have financial assets and want to donate them to charity, contact that charity.   Charities have their own forms for donation, and the asset will go directly to them, or they'll handle the work needed to make the donation happen on notification of passing.

Fourth, the goal is to create situations in which your assets pass directly to the entities you have chosen.    A will would address this.   Even though you don't want to hire an attorney, a law firm (not a single attorney) would be in a position to handle asset distribution effectively, or at least supervise contacts after your passing. 

There's another benefit for attorney involvement though:  to keep any of your relatives from becoming involved.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Sorry, unless you trust someone as a friend then yes, you may want hire some firm to work on your behalf. You can also inquire about using Court to appoint someone to work with you, there are court appointed professionals and I believe there are businesses addressing aging needs via Geriatric Care Managers. However to make it legal you must seek an attorney for documentation, otherwise you risk some one taking advantage of you since you can easily trust the wrong friend.
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Reply to Allye1
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I don’t know if this is a consideration or not for some people. Are you a member of a church and are close to the pastor? Maybe churches help people plan these things. Our church had an ‘end of life’ seminar regarding health issues. The seminar focused on hospice care.

I think that a lawyer should be the one to handle it. So many people live so long that they lose their close friends. The friends and other family members die first. It’s sad about your brother being distant. Are you close to your other brother? Would he do it? Is he younger or older than you are?

When is the last time that you spoke with your brother that is distant and listed as the one to take care of legal matters?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Caregiverhelp11 Jun 19, 2021
I text or email my younger brother that has become distant almost everyday, but I can tell over the past couple of years that he and his wife have become more distant. We used to meet up for lunch quite often. I know Covid put a stop to that for the past year. We have now been vaccinated, but they don't seem to have any interest in getting together and are focused on their life. He and his wife are single professionals.

My older brother just now has become a little more communicative with me since my Mother's death. I had to press him to leave my Mother's house after she died. He was living there for free. He is five years older than me and has no business sense, so he would not be able to handle anything for me.
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Look for a private individual you can hire to pay your bills and manage your paperwork. You will pay them,, but probably less.than you.would pay an attorney.

Ask local churches for references or ask for referrals from other people in situations similar to your own. It is important that the person be honest and reliable.

Senior Services and Area Agency on Aging may offer names of people or services to help you, but I find these referrals are often generic and not a good fit for what is needed.
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