Hello. I am 21 years old, living at home with my Mum, Dad and brother. Over the past few years my mother’s mental health has deteriorated. Her short term memory isn’t great, she gets confused easily and can’t do much for herself. We have suspected for a while it could be signs of dementia. I have tried suggesting that she seeks professional help. I try to support her as much as I can and encourage her to feel confident again. My father and brother have been frustrated by the situation and told me they have given up. My dad plans on leaving us once we can sell the house and my brother said he will then be going his own way. I don’t know where this will leave my mum. She has no hobbies or friends and does nothing to keep herself busy. I am a student and want to be able to live my own life. My boyfriend lives in Prague so I often spend long periods of time there with him. I feel like I’m going to have to choose and put my life on hold to look after her. I don’t want to and I feel like a terrible person for saying that. I have been depressed for many years and I am finally in a place where I am happy again and I feel like this could completely change that. I would obviously choose to help my mum and I’d never leave her alone but I don’t want to resent her for that. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless and heartbroken and completely alone. Can anyone help me or give me some advice.
She needs help. No one HAS to feel like they have to put their lives on hold, but I would let it be known that you are not going to be the one left holding the bag. Might be a good time to plan a long trip to see your boyfriend.
I will assume here ur not in the US but the UK? If so, our health system is different than yours as is our programs for Care homes.
Which is where your Mom may need to go for you to have your life. With history of depression, you should not be doing the caring.
If 56 is your Moms age, she is young for Dementia but it does happen. She needs to see her doctor for a full work up. You need to rule out anything physical. If Dementia, then a Care home would be my choice because she only will worsen as time goes on.
If you are from the UK, Country Mouse is too. And a few others. Its 11am EST here so about 6pm her time and she works. She will be on shortly.
Reaching out to others is a great first step. Please continue this past this forum (with advice by us well meaning folk) into more support & advice specific to you & your family. Do you have a GP you feel comfortable to start a conversation with? Being young, there may be a youth support service that you can connect to? Where I live youth health has different formats to suit your preference, face to face, phone, online chats or email & no referral is required.
What age is your Mother? Early onset dementia can happen, but is rare. They may be many other reasons for memory issues: menopause, depression, anxiety, low thyroid etc
Your Mother will definately benefit from a thorough medical checkup with tests, scans, investigations before any such diagnosis can be made. Rather than labels which may be inaccurate.
Leaping from an idea that Mother may have dementia to having to put your whole adult life on hold to care for her is a massive leap. Slow down. Breathe. Find a good councellor you connect with to start.