I need to prepare! I know there are many options for her care. I just need guidance on finding what is absolutely best, and ideal, for her.

Follow
Share

My mother, about whom I've written before on this forum, is now 93 years old. She lives alone, but I live within 0.1 mile of her house, so I am there virtually EVERY SINGLE DAY. She lives in her own home by choice, and I am happy to accommodate her with any and everything she might need. I prepare her meals nightly, either bringing over items that I've cooked for my husband and myself, or cooking something that I have purchased and prepared specifically for her, according to her appetite. She gets around her house quite well using her cane and her walker, but I KNOW that I need to prepare for the not-too-distant day when she needs more help. We are truly blessed to be in a financial position which will allow her to stay at home, and I know there are many options for her in-home care. I just need guidance on finding what is absolutely best, and ideal, for her. Can anyone provide suggestions? I don't want to wait much longer to make preparations for in-home nursing or some sort of assistance. She is amenable to exploring the possibilities, and knows that I will NEVER.....let me emphasize....EVER, consider a nursing home, unless it is a VERY HIGH END facility with a staff that is professional and caring to the nth degree!! I will vet such a facility 6 ways from Sunday, and ask all the right questions to be certain that it is of the high quality that both my mother and I expect. However, I'd MUCH PREFER an in-home option, no matter how many years we require such care. I'd appreciate input from anyone who has experience with this issue.

Find Care & Housing
4

Answers

Show:
I've been out of touch and unable to acknowledge the wonderful answers you've all provided to my question, which I asked on August 17. On the evening of August 18, my husband was hospitalized, but is now at home and recovering quite well! So I've been out of the loop, but I wanted you all to know how much I appreciate the excellent input you've provided! Some of the suggestions I had already implemented (bedside commode which my mom uses in the middle of the night, hardwood floors instead of carpeting, etc.), but some have yet to be handled. I will certainly move forward with some other improvements very soon! Once again, thanks so much to you all: Sunnygirl1, Ahmijoy, and cwillie!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to 898luvmymom
Report

There are great suggestions around here about how to equipt her house if she should become wheelchair bound or bed bound. There are a lot of safety measures to consider that a professional should be able to help you with.

You might consult with an attorney to make sure all the paperwork is in order, Healthcare POA, Durable POA, Healthcare Advance Directive, etc.

I might meet with an agency that provides professional in-home care to see what services you might need, costs, hours, policies, etc., since, it's likely you would need around the clock care, plus, holidays, weekends, etc. I looked into part-time care once and it was extremely expensive, imo, but, if you are prepared for it, then, it might work well for your situation. I would stick with a professional agency though, so, they handle taxes and insurance. It saves you a lot of paperwork and liability.

If you do look into upscale long term care facilities, I'd do more than look at the nice building, fancy dining rooms, art work, etc. I'd check their rating with the state to see how they really do on state compliance checks. Most states have a rating system and list violations and corrections. I discovered that the most upscale and expensive facility that I toured, was the worst rated. If you just listen to their sales team and look at the impressive building and amenities, you might be disappointed.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Sunnygirl1
Report

You are very lucky to have the financial wherewithal that you do and not have to subject your mother to what you obviously consider the horrors of a facility like so many of us in the trenches of caregiving have had to, and in my case may have to again. We all have done the best we can. In my case, when Mom threatened to take a swan dive off her apartment’s 3rd floor balcony, I had to find a facility. It wasn’t a resort because she had to be on Medicaid, but she got the wonderful care she needed. For some of us, it’s necessary and none of us were enthusiastic about it.

Making a home handicap accessible is expensive and labor intensive. It has to be done by accredited professionals. Her home will look like a medical equipment showroom. She will need grab bars, wood floors (for ease of movement), lifts, ramps, and plenty of room for things like a hospital bed, a portable commode or two and plenty of storage space for all the supplies she needs.

She is very lucky to have you to make sure she has the best.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report

Those of us who have had to place someone in a facility do usually try our best to find the very best option you know and often would have preferred we never had to make that choice.😒

Anyway - you should create a fully accessible bathroom (a wet room is my ideal), you might need to widen doors to accommodate a wheelchair, a ramp or lift to get in and out of the house, enough space in the bedroom to fit items like a bedside commode and possibly a portable or fixed patient transfer lift, a spare bedroom for her live in caregiver. You will also need to consider how she will access doctors if she is completely wheelchair or bed bound - your own accessible van, para transit or perhaps visiting nurses and/or doctors.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to cwillie
Report

Related
Questions