I am a grown woman who has had to live with mom to help her for approximately 15 years which has been hard then she got dementia the last two or so years, I tried my very best to keep her home as long as I possibly could. She fell many times, broke one hip then the next year broke the other hip ....Mom is 95 and a high fall risk. She would not use her walker, and rarely used her cane. She was very unsteady on her feet and it was just a matter of time before she fell again and would end up her last days in the hospital. I felt in my heart I needed to place her.
I did my homework and looked at many of the bigger places with the long hallways and almost placed her in one ..... then discovered a group home with only six residents that were able to be watched and cared for closer in a home setting so that’s what I chose. I had to trick Mom into going there for a free lunch with her little dog whom she could have stay with her there. After lunch I broke the news to her that I have arranged for her and her doggy to stay there she took it really hard which is understandable, I would’ve felt the same way but it really had to be done. She cried and cried and got extremely angry saying I was evil, that I should be ashamed of myself she hated me. I get it and I don’t blame her I wouldn’t like it if someone did that to me either but under the circumstances with her dementia and being a High fall risk I had no choice I followed what was in my heart. “How could you do this to me??" is what she kept asking.
I told her I did not do this to you I did it FOR you because I love you. Well that went over like a lead balloon. I did fix up her shared room, which was large with a pull curtain in between, that had a large bathroom attached for her convenience and safety. I could’ve gotten a very tiny private room, yes for $500 more, but to use the bathroom she would have to come out of her room and go down the hall. I was scared she would fall in the night doing so, so I chose the shared room instead. I’m sure either room I would’ve chose she would’ve felt the same way about the situation. They told me it would be best if I stayed away for a week and let her acclimate and get to know everyone, the caregivers etc. It has a large fenced in backyard and the dog is allowed to roam free. Last night was my first night in the house without mom, I did not have guilt feelings because I know she needs closer watch then I can give even though I am retired. But I had feelings of compassion thinking how she must be feeling missing her home missing the comfort of her bed it just broke my heart.
I go back to see her in a week .... and I have such a sense of dread, for when I went to hug her goodbye she pulled back from me and turned her head away and refused anything to do with me. That is hard to walk into. I’m sure she will feel about the same when I go back to see her. I ordered her a 3 inch thick foam piece to put on top of her bed that was a long twin but it did crank up but was not the most comfortable bed I’ve ever sat on by far. So I immediately ordered a 3 inch foam piece to put on top for her it should arrive there in a day or two. I have so many mixed emotions I know I did the right thing yet I’m hurting in my heart for her 💔