I need help! My mother is displaying cognitive decline issues but has taken 2 dementia tests with the doctor and answers 28/30?

My mother is also declining . she lives in IL but is pretty much on lock down they can walk to get their mail do laundry go outside and leave for Dr appointments, etc. but all meals are delivered to her apartment. So mostly alone 24/7 unless I visit, dad passed a year ago its now hitting her the were married 71 yrs . I am the only one to take care of her except for a caregiver to help with showers. She is sooooo lonely that she calls me at least 10 times a day. I am getting worn out because every day she has in her mind a major problem i have to handle it mostly by telling her its ok and not that big of a deal i will take care of it blah blah blah. Sorry I just needed to vent

I think those tests the doctors do are a crap shoot.  My mom doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground, but on some days she is able to answer a fair amount of their questions.  It's ridiculous.  Tell the doctor to dig a little deeper.  Ask her to read something and then explain it back to the doctor.  Ask her what she wore yesterday, etc...  The bottom line is....no matter what anyone thinks, it doesn't change your moms situation.  She is still having issues.  Once I finally grasped that, it triggered something in me. 

The despair, sadness, anger and confusion are normal feelings to have.  Like you, I didn't really have anyone who could relate.  My significant other of 28 years has a 98 yr old mother who still drives, lives alone and plays bridge on her computer.  My friends parents are still alive and independent.  My mothers family didn't believe there was anything wrong with her.  I felt so alone and so mad and sad about it all. 

If this is just starting with your mom, you probably still have a long road ahead of you.  My moms symptoms were noticed by me back in 2008...here we are in 2020 and I have sold her house and most furnishings, sold her car and placed her in assisted living.  I still manage her dr. visits, do her laundry, pay her bills, etc.  It's exhausting, but better than before I moved her.  Essentially, my mom no longer exists and I have accepted that.  When something devastating happens in life and I wish my mom was there to commiserate with or when something wonderful happens and I wish she could share in the joy...those are the times I grieve her "loss" all over again, even though she is still physically here.

Sites like this one does help because you realize that you are not the only one.  There are folks that are in a better situation than you and there are folks in a worse situation than you and everything in between.

Know this....you don't have to run yourself into the ground to be a good daughter.  There is no shame in placing your mom where there is 24 hr care.  Don't commit yourself to doing something out of guilt.  Know that you are not alone.
Take care.