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Her health was fine at the time. Since then, numerous falls and a 6 week hospitalization have caused a drastic decline. I am now responsible for EVERYTHING. I work 12 hours a day then come home and have to cook, clean and anything else needed that day. I take her to all her Dr appointments (sometimes having to miss a whole day of work) with no reimbursement from her) I feel that since I am now responsible for everything I shouldn't have to pay her any rent. She cries poverty. This is a woman who owns her own house has a brand new car she can't drive (also owns free and clear) but wants that money every week. This is causing me a great deal of stress and anxiety. I just wonder am I wrong or is she being unreasonable?

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Just checking in on you, Pam. How are things going? I hope you will be able to get help to care for your mom. You have a lot on your shoulders. You deserve appreciation and respect. Take care.
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Thiss is what I would do.

Take that 300 a month.

Show being out of a days pay, lets say 100
Xtra gas for taking her to appts. Irs allows 58cents a mile. If u go 10 miles round trip thats 5.80. So far you have 105.80. That brings you down under 200. Lets say you hire a cleaning lady even just to clean once a month $25 maybe. Now under 175. I would say anything you have out of pocket you do for Mom should be deducted. If she needs help getting a bath, I paid a girl $10 for a half hour to bathe and dress Mom. Tell her to hire an aide or pay you.

So my answer is no, you should not be paying rent if you need to do everything. Mom is getting away cheap.
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Okay JoAnn, where do you live that you can hire a housekeeper to clean your house for 25 bucks? Cuz I'm moving to your town.

Where I live, 25 bucks an hour or 300.00 lump sum and I provide everything, including a clutter free house.
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Pam.

My mom has hearing issues so she asked me years ago to go into doctor visits with her instead of just waiting in waiting area. At first, I felt funny about it. I felt that I was invading her privacy, personal health issues and such. Now I like hearing info straight from the doctor.

But she insisted that she wanted me there so she was sure to know everything going on. Sometimes the doctor looks away. My mom reads lips a lot.

Do you hear what the doctor has to say, not just hearsay from her? Is your mom’s health going to improve anytime soon? Or is this the beginning of a slow decline? You need to know.

My mom’s doctor told me to get medical power of attorney because she falls. If she is unconscious you can speak for her. If your mom uses a walker too, she isn’t steady on her feet either. Please prepare yourself for what lies ahead. Don’t let her take advantage of you.
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The situation has changed. You are no longer a tenant you are a caregiver.

Did you do up an agreement when you moved in?

Do you have POA etc for Mum?

Is it just Mum's physical health that is failing or is she showing signs of cognitive decline?

You need to set some boundaries.

One, if you are a rent paying tenant, then you are not responsible for caring for Mum. She can make her own meals, do the housework, do her shopping and get herself to appointments.

Two, if you are a caregiver, then you should be paid and should have a contract for providing x numbers of hours per week of care and only a,b and c. Your costs for caring for her should be reimbursed, ie time off work, gas for appointments etc.

It is unreasonable for anyone to be charged rent and also have to provide care, that is slavery.

The crying poor theme is familiar on this site. When my Mum does, I remind her that she can sell her house and live off the proceeds for at least 10 years (she is almost 85). But my Dad is the opposite, spends well beyond his income and hoards the 'deals' he finds. My parents divorced decades ago.
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Tothill,

Great points! I like it!
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I don’t feel like you should pay. She is only looking at one side. If you were a boarder at her house and she didn’t have extensive health issues I could see her point. But look at it like this, if you lived in an apartment, would you take care of your landlady’s health needs? No, you wouldn’t. If you had a healthy roommate, would you do all the housework? No, you wouldn’t. You’d share responsibilities. Right?

Now, how much do cleaning services cost? How much does a personal chef cost? Or restaurant food? Cost of transportation back and forth to go places? I assume you grocery shop, pick up her meds, and so forth. There are services that charge for shopping too. You sit with her at doctor’s office too. How much does a sitter cost? Whew! Our parents have it made, don’t they? My mom has lived in my house since 2005.

Yes, she is helping you but you are helping her just as much if not more.
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