I just need some love and suggestions of what to do?

sounds like he is very depressed and accepting the outcome, whatever that may be for him.
POST AND DNR FORMS SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
LIVING TRUST AND/OR WILL SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
LOVE AND COMPASSION SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
911 cannot help him, if he does not want to be helped. If it is physical, perhaps he doesn't have the physical energy to help himself through that process.
feed him water. and if he feels he needs the taste of beer, well, put a spot in it for him to taste. after reading this, I need to slow down too, and stop the fast food. The fast food is slowing me down too. Nothing in my kitchen is fresh from the garden... :( except my lemon tree. I do use those in my water everyday. If yo see a lemon tree in your neighborhood with actual fruit, stop, knock on door and ask for a couple.. they seem to help me a bit. I met a lot of people by giving the fruit that is covering that tree...

GinaMom can you give us an update. Many of us are concerned about you.

GinaMom,
You don't know how to go to your private messages. There is no reason I cannot post here for you, as I know the feeling. I am still learning my way around the page after more than a year.
Gina, is your husband still entirely rational? Is this the reason you are not "taking things into your own hands" and calling 911? Or do you not understand that your husband may be now ACTIVELY dying? Have you asked your Husband "Hon, do you want me to call 911 if I cannot arouse you; if I believe that you are dying".
You say that your husband said "They cannot do anything" if he goes to ER. Indeed, that may be the case. IF that is the case then your Doctor will order hospice. There should be paperwork called a POLST in place so ambulance drivers don't attempt to resuscitate (if legal in your state).
But it is time for all of you, husband, you and doctor, to talk about all of this and make decisions.
It is time to face the fact that your husband may be dying of his cirrhosis. There is nothing that we on forum can do to help you. You must have the help and advice of medical care whatever the decisions are. If you knowingly allow a dying person to simply die you could be accused of neglect. This is what we are trying to prevent for you. I think it unlikely, with his history, and the way he will "present" now (look).....but it is a possibility. And it may leave you questioning yourself as to what you "should have/could have done".
I am so relieved you have an appointment today. However, if anything happens to prevent this "appointment" you must call 911 and have your husband taken to the hospital. (With your description of late I can't imagine how you will get him to an appointment at this time). THERE they will document his refusal for treatment even if such decision does indeed take him more quickly.
We are all on the Forum worried for you both. Our thoughts are with you. We wish you both only the best that can be.

To go to your private messages, click on your avatar(symbol, picture) and the click "profile". Your private messages are there.

Gina, you keep asking for suggestions.

We keep telling you to call 911.

Why won't you do that?

You husband is dying. He is suffering from insufficient oxygen to his brain. He is not thinking clearly. YOU need to be the one in charge now.

You have 2 choices. One is to call a local hospice organization. They will send someone to examine him. The other is to call 911 and have the EMTs examine him.

I would certainly fear not doing anything and allowing him to die unattended. If he dies with no evidence of medical care, you will be asked why you didn't summon care for him.

You don't talk your husband into letting you call for help. YOU call for help.

There is a hospice organization in Hesperia called Amazing Grace Hospice.

Call the doc in the AM and ask "Is it time to call hospice if my husband won't go to the hospital?"

(((((((Hugs))))))))

Dear, i will set a bottle of cold beer on the step outside after you drink this tall glass of water with shaved ice, lemon, and a droplet of juice. and maybe a swig of vodka to help keep it down. Mios drinks.. thy have caffein in the them, vitamins, taste good. I might help.. Green Matcha tea with lemon is wonderful. anyway, before he drinks- offer him a glass water.

GinaMom, please go to your Private Messages.

Gina,

I just read that your husband has an appointment with his primary doctor on Thursday. Call that doctor tomorrow-Wednesday and tell him what is happening and why your husband does not want to go to the hospital and ask that the doctor to see your husband on Wednesday. Don't wait until Thursday to see the doctor. Your husband's condition is too critical to wait.

Gina,
Take a look at what I wrote on July 22nd about my Dad and how he died. What you describe in your reply to Shane sounds just like my Dad prior to his collapsing at home.

Your husband is right--that this stage of his illness, there is very little that the doctors can do--except to extend his life for a few more days or hours. (Or make him more comfortable by giving him some pain medications.)

Unfortunately if your husband does not want to go to the hospital then you are going to have to wait until he does collapse, like my Dad did, and then you will be able to call 911. They will do everything they can to save your husband, The paramedics and EMTs will have to perform CPR on your husband when they are called.

I wish that I could take away your anguish and worry and fear, but I cannot. All you can do now is let nature take its course and let your husband die as he wishes--at home.

Have you talked with hospice yet? You should talk with your doctor about hospice tomorrow ASAP if your husband is still alive then. I know that I sound gruesome, but your husband is actively dying and could die within the next 24 hours (based on what you wrote).

Lots of HUGS 💖 and Prayers!!! 🙏

Please take your husband to the ER or call 911. You’ve witnessed blood in his stool and that is a huge red flag. This should be evaluated immediately. A diseased liver causes blood from clotting properly. He can very well bleed out not only from his bowel but from his stomach as well. I’ve seen it first hand as a young nurse; I will never forget it either.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Your husband is an alcoholic (Per your post prior to this). He has been diagnosed with alcoholic cirrhosis. He should not be drinking at all.

Alcoholism is a disease that effects the entire family. I’ve seen too many of these cases as a nurse. The CG struggles with the patients bad decisions. I feel you are a caring individual who is stuck in an awful situation. You love your husband and want him to get better. But his addiction is in the way.

His liver is dying. Liver tissue does not regenerate. Hubby drinking alcohol is gradually but surely killing off the rest of his liver.

I recommend Al-Anon for you to provide support to an alcoholic who is actively in the process of killing himself. Alcoholism is a disease in itself. The alcoholic has no control over his choices and will continue to make bad decisions due to alcohol addiction. Until your hubby wants to stop drinking there is not much you can do except find support for yourself and your well being.

Best wishes to you. Please take care of yourself too.

SMH - This poor man needs medical care. Like right now.

If his O2 is 71 you need to call 911 and have the EMTs determine what needs to be done.

Gina....if his hernia is displaced, he could have an obstruction. That could also be causing part of his problems. His 02 stats r very low as well. I would call 911 or if his dr calls u back, get a hospice eval done quickly. Thoughts and prayers are coming to you.....please update us as you have time....

Gina, I'm so glad he's doing better!

I hope all is better today-please update if you can !!

Gina, did you talk to his doctor last night or today?

You really need some guidance from a medical professional.

Suggesting again that you reach out to get hospice involved.

Gina, how is your husband today? ((((Hugs)))))

You may have a bad history with your husband -his drinking etc-

you know he needs medical help-and you don’t want to for whatever reason
you should call someone who is willing to help him
Does he have family? Friends?

Gina, call 911. Have the EMT's respond, show them all the readings you've taken with his BP, etc.
I promise, your husband is not the first patient they've responded to that says they won't go to the hospital. They can usually be very persuasive. I have seen them talk the most stubborn person into an ambulance. You won't lose anything by calling them, and then if, heaven forbid, something happens to your husband, at least you know you did everything you could.

My Dad had CHF, pulmonary hypertension (difficult to push blood though lungs), ascites related to CHF and PH, 4++ edema of legs that extended up into his abdomen (he looked 9 months pregnant), and was receiving 5 liters of oxygen. He had had these problems for several years, but it got much, much worse and 6 months later he had a heart attack and died. He was living at home with his wife/my mother. His condition had gotten worse the previous two months and he could barely walk.

The day he died, Dad's pulse was 88 irregular, respirations were 36 and he had to raise his shoulders to help him breathe better, and BP was 154/92 (according to records Dad & Mom kept at home for doctor's information). He and Mom had just finished eating supper in their bedroom. Mom took the dishes back to the kitchen. She heard a loud thud, ran to the bedroom and found Dad lying on the floor. She called 911. Since they lived in a small town, the police arrived in seconds and started CPR. Mom was horrified watching the policeman and then the EMTs push on her husband's chest. They transferred him to the ER and continue CPR until I arrived 30+ minutes later. Mom did not want to tell the doctor to stop the CPR, so I had to tell the doctor to stop CPR and then Dad "officially" died. For the rest of her life, Mom could not talk about Dad's death without sobbing uncontollably and reliving his receiving CPR and watching his lifeless body being carried through the garage to the ambulance.

Unfortunately, unless you can get your husband to go to the hospital, you might be experiencing a similar scenario when your husband dies at home.

Edit: My Dad knew that he was dying and he did not want to die in the hospital connected to tubes and wires because he knew nothing that the doctors were going to do would help him get better--maybe live alittle longer in pain and misery. He wanted to die at home...and he did.

You state: "His oxygen seems to go lower when he is laying down".

The reason that his oxygen level is going lower when he is laying down is because his lungs and heart are having to work harder to push the blood through his blood vessels. Also, he is not able to expand his lungs as much as when he is sitting up. Your husband needs to be in a reclining or sitting position with his legs elevated.

How much lasix were you able to get your husband to take? He needs at least 40 mg now!!!

I agree with Barb that the O2 saturation is much more important than what his pulse rate is.

Gina, the fact that his oxygen is so low tell us that his heart is not doing the work it needs to, which is to get the old blood from his extremities and his brain back to his lungs so that it can get new oxygen. His heart RATE only tells you how fast it is beating, not how well the rest of the system is working.

His very low Oxygen number tells us that things have gone very wrong. Has the doc called you back yet?

ok
I maybe overstepping this forum but
if those BP and O2 levels are correct-you know how bad that is and you need to get him care-

is anyone there -a neighbour or friend that can help you?
this could be awful and he is still drinking according to you
-you have been told by others that he is likely going to have a stroke or HA
and your not reacting rationally -Are you in denial?
you are watching this man drink and puke frothy spittle and eat meatloaf with a 180+ BP And low oxygen
as if that’s a normal night-it shouldn’t be

You have reached out on this forum and have been told how much damage is potentially happening to his body And what may happen by people with experience in these situations -


i don’t understand why you are acting the way you are but he needs medical help

Gin a, I'm glad that you called the doctor. Please do whatever s/he tells you to.

Keep telling us what is going on, too. We care!

Gina,

Based on what you are telling us, it sounds like your husband might be experiencing a combination of several problems: (A) congestive heart failure—symptoms include spitting up phlegm that looks like foam, shortness of breathe, chronic cough or wheezing, edema, nausea or lack of appetite, a high heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and confusion or impaired thinking. (B) ASCITES--which is fluid inside the abdomen. Symptoms include weight gain, shortness of breath, abdominal swelling, sense of fullness or bloating, sense of heaviness, indigestion, nausea or vomiting and changes to the belly button. (C) O2 Sat of 80% caused by both (A) & (B). 

It is possible that your husband is not thinking properly because he is not getting enough oxygen to his brain—even tho he is lucid. If his O2 Sat continues in the low 80s, he will start to experience organ damage or organ shut down. He will either have a heart attack and require CPR or have a stroke.

Does your husband take any diuretics such as Lasix (furmoside)? If you can get him to take his diuretic, it might help get some of the fluid out of his lungs, heart and abdomen.

Have you contacted your husband’s doctor and told him what you are telling us? Is your husband receiving oxygen?

I know that it is difficult to watch someone get worse and refuse to do something about it. The COVID-19 excuse might be covering your husband’s fear of dying and by not acknowledging that he needs to go to the ER, then your husband can avoid thinking of dying.
Please keep us updated on your husband’s condition. Prayers 🙏

Gina, how is your husband doing this evening?

Guess ur going to have to wait until he passes out. Then call the EMTs.

Gina; you asked for advice.

Are you simply going to listen to what he tells you he does or doesn't want? If so, that's just FINE, but then you don't need us to tell you other things to do.

The headache is from the elevated BP; he's most likely going to stroke out and then perhaps you'll be handling someone who is totally bed bound and double incontinent. If that's what you are up for, then don't call for help.

Look we are all going to die one way or the other; I think that dying should be comfortable and not a terrible thing for our loved ones to watch. That's why I suggested that you get in touch with his doctor to get a hospice evaluation started, because your husband doesn't appear to want any more interventions. And I can understand that.

Just call his doc and talk to her/him and see what they say.

That BP is scary high-and low Oxygen
call Dr
he could have a stroke

just call

He’s not thinking clearly so you need to

Call the doctor immediately. He will tell you how to get him to hospital, and whether he should go to ER or not. They are adept now at protecting patients from covid-19. With an O2 Sat of 80% your husband is in danger of dying at home, covid or no. With that high a BP he could stroke. As to appetite, with the beer bloat and hernia complication it is unlikely he is experiencing any hunger. I am so sorry for this dilemma and yes, he is in danger going to hospital, but I feel in more danger by staying home. There honestly is no good answer to this.

I would have a heart to heart talk with him. I would tell him that I love him and that I wanted to keep him around with me as long as I could.

I would tell him if he loved me and wanted to be with me longer, then he needs to go get the care he needs.