I just need some love and suggestions of what to do?

Gina, great big warm hug!🤗

I don't have a clue what you should do but I pray that you are okay and know that I am praying for you.

You can safely take him to the hospital. You may not be permitted to stay in the ER and you might not be allowed to see him BUT the important thing is HE will not be put with anyone that is exhibiting ANY COVID-19 symptoms. They will not put someone with COVID symptoms in an area where others are. So he would be safer in the hospital if he is having problems than he would be at home.
If you are afraid for his well being please do not hesitate to call 911

If his oxygen is 82, he is not thinking clearly. Call 911 and let the EMTs talk him into the hospital. At the very least, the EMTs can give him some oxygen which allow him to think more clearly so he can make a rational decision

Dear ginamomgoodman,
I'm so sorry for what you are experiencing with your husband. He doesn't seem to realize how upset and scared you are in this situation.
Doctors prefer oxygen levels to be at least 95 or higher. When my mom had to go to a rehab facility for physical therapy after she nearly died from severe dehydration and contracting COVID in her AL facility, her oxygen went down to 72 when she was transported there from the hospital. She's never had it that low so they put her on oxygen. Thankfully, it went up to 93 but they did ask me what I wanted to do if it goes down into the 80's while she's on oxygen. We already had DNR orders in place so I said they would have to call hospice in. She would not be going back to any hospital at that point - those were her wishes. She didn't have anymore problems after that where the oxygen levels were concerned.

With blood pressure my husband's rose to 150/110. When the top number reaches 200 - it's ER time. Hopefully, now that he is back to taking his medication he will continue to do so. But, if he stops again and it gets real high. Just go into another room and call 911 - don't give him a choice or allow him to put you through this needlessly. Let the emergency personnel handle the situation. I sure hope things settle down for you - I'll pray for you - that you may have peace and cooperation from your husband! Take care -

Gina, back in November, you called 911 even though hubby told you not to.

You saved his life by doing that.

Do it again. Please.

Dear Gina, your profile says that your husband seems to have given up. Now he seems to be doing himself damage, fairly deliberately. He ‘has not worked for 4 years’, and you are trying to carry all the responsibility. Probably all the work, too. I hope that your daughter and son who it seems live with you, also help with running the household and paying the bills. I can see that you are trying to do the best you can. However you cannot make him want to live, particularly if he has started drinking again. From an outsider’s perspective, you might be better off if he doesn’t. Perhaps the best you can do is to stop worrying, do what you can, and let your husband take the consequences of his own decisions. I hope that you are getting love from your family as well as from us on the site, because this behavior is not showing much love to you. I’m so sorry, and I hope that things turn the corner soon.

I can’t blame you for being scared because your husband doesn’t take care of himself. Can you have a frank discussion with him about your concerns? Living with an alcoholic is not easy. It sounds like he is on the path to self destruct.

You can’t change anyone’s behavior unless they want to change. If I was told by my doctor that my liver was scarred due to alcohol I would quit drinking as Alcoholism is a disease too. Maybe your husband is in denial of how sick he is. Maybe he feels like he almost died last November and has another chance now. Whether he takes the ball and runs with it is his choice.

I’d have him make an appt with a general surgeon to have that umbilical hernia evaluated and possibly repaired. If it gets too large husband can develop a small bowel obstruction & can potentially get very ill from this.

Who is providing him with alcohol? Does he admit he has a drinking problem? Maybe switch out the beer for a non alcohol brand?

You can lead a horse to water but can’t make them drink. He stopped his Lactulose once; is he back to taking it now?

You are doing the best you can under the circumstances. Alcoholism affects the entire family. There is Alcoholic Anonymous for him and Al-Anon for family members. You can join the family support groups in your area to provide support for yourself to learn coping mechanisms to live with an alcoholic. Good luck Gina.

Bless your heart. I know how you feel. I would be scared too. Men can be so hard when it comes to trying to get them to get the help on here.

They have gave you some good advice on here about calling 911. If he is not doing well just go into another room and make the call. You could save his life.

I too had an umbiblical hernia. Can't play around with that.

I am sorry for what you are going through.

Gina; If his O2 sat is 80% HE IS NOT THINKING CLEARLY.


Have you called Hospice? If he wants to not take meds and doesn't want medical intervention, he should at least should be made comfortable while he is dying. And it would be some support for you.

I would have a heart to heart talk with him. I would tell him that I love him and that I wanted to keep him around with me as long as I could.

I would tell him if he loved me and wanted to be with me longer, then he needs to go get the care he needs.

Call the doctor immediately. He will tell you how to get him to hospital, and whether he should go to ER or not. They are adept now at protecting patients from covid-19. With an O2 Sat of 80% your husband is in danger of dying at home, covid or no. With that high a BP he could stroke. As to appetite, with the beer bloat and hernia complication it is unlikely he is experiencing any hunger. I am so sorry for this dilemma and yes, he is in danger going to hospital, but I feel in more danger by staying home. There honestly is no good answer to this.

That BP is scary high-and low Oxygen
call Dr
he could have a stroke

just call

He’s not thinking clearly so you need to

Gina; you asked for advice.

Are you simply going to listen to what he tells you he does or doesn't want? If so, that's just FINE, but then you don't need us to tell you other things to do.

The headache is from the elevated BP; he's most likely going to stroke out and then perhaps you'll be handling someone who is totally bed bound and double incontinent. If that's what you are up for, then don't call for help.

Look we are all going to die one way or the other; I think that dying should be comfortable and not a terrible thing for our loved ones to watch. That's why I suggested that you get in touch with his doctor to get a hospice evaluation started, because your husband doesn't appear to want any more interventions. And I can understand that.

Just call his doc and talk to her/him and see what they say.

Guess ur going to have to wait until he passes out. Then call the EMTs.

Gina, how is your husband doing this evening?

Gina,

Based on what you are telling us, it sounds like your husband might be experiencing a combination of several problems: (A) congestive heart failure—symptoms include spitting up phlegm that looks like foam, shortness of breathe, chronic cough or wheezing, edema, nausea or lack of appetite, a high heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and confusion or impaired thinking. (B) ASCITES--which is fluid inside the abdomen. Symptoms include weight gain, shortness of breath, abdominal swelling, sense of fullness or bloating, sense of heaviness, indigestion, nausea or vomiting and changes to the belly button. (C) O2 Sat of 80% caused by both (A) & (B). 

It is possible that your husband is not thinking properly because he is not getting enough oxygen to his brain—even tho he is lucid. If his O2 Sat continues in the low 80s, he will start to experience organ damage or organ shut down. He will either have a heart attack and require CPR or have a stroke.

Does your husband take any diuretics such as Lasix (furmoside)? If you can get him to take his diuretic, it might help get some of the fluid out of his lungs, heart and abdomen.

Have you contacted your husband’s doctor and told him what you are telling us? Is your husband receiving oxygen?

I know that it is difficult to watch someone get worse and refuse to do something about it. The COVID-19 excuse might be covering your husband’s fear of dying and by not acknowledging that he needs to go to the ER, then your husband can avoid thinking of dying.
Please keep us updated on your husband’s condition. Prayers 🙏

Gin a, I'm glad that you called the doctor. Please do whatever s/he tells you to.

Keep telling us what is going on, too. We care!

ok
I maybe overstepping this forum but
if those BP and O2 levels are correct-you know how bad that is and you need to get him care-

is anyone there -a neighbour or friend that can help you?
this could be awful and he is still drinking according to you
-you have been told by others that he is likely going to have a stroke or HA
and your not reacting rationally -Are you in denial?
you are watching this man drink and puke frothy spittle and eat meatloaf with a 180+ BP And low oxygen
as if that’s a normal night-it shouldn’t be

You have reached out on this forum and have been told how much damage is potentially happening to his body And what may happen by people with experience in these situations -


i don’t understand why you are acting the way you are but he needs medical help

Gina, the fact that his oxygen is so low tell us that his heart is not doing the work it needs to, which is to get the old blood from his extremities and his brain back to his lungs so that it can get new oxygen. His heart RATE only tells you how fast it is beating, not how well the rest of the system is working.

His very low Oxygen number tells us that things have gone very wrong. Has the doc called you back yet?

You state: "His oxygen seems to go lower when he is laying down".

The reason that his oxygen level is going lower when he is laying down is because his lungs and heart are having to work harder to push the blood through his blood vessels. Also, he is not able to expand his lungs as much as when he is sitting up. Your husband needs to be in a reclining or sitting position with his legs elevated.

How much lasix were you able to get your husband to take? He needs at least 40 mg now!!!

I agree with Barb that the O2 saturation is much more important than what his pulse rate is.

My Dad had CHF, pulmonary hypertension (difficult to push blood though lungs), ascites related to CHF and PH, 4++ edema of legs that extended up into his abdomen (he looked 9 months pregnant), and was receiving 5 liters of oxygen. He had had these problems for several years, but it got much, much worse and 6 months later he had a heart attack and died. He was living at home with his wife/my mother. His condition had gotten worse the previous two months and he could barely walk.

The day he died, Dad's pulse was 88 irregular, respirations were 36 and he had to raise his shoulders to help him breathe better, and BP was 154/92 (according to records Dad & Mom kept at home for doctor's information). He and Mom had just finished eating supper in their bedroom. Mom took the dishes back to the kitchen. She heard a loud thud, ran to the bedroom and found Dad lying on the floor. She called 911. Since they lived in a small town, the police arrived in seconds and started CPR. Mom was horrified watching the policeman and then the EMTs push on her husband's chest. They transferred him to the ER and continue CPR until I arrived 30+ minutes later. Mom did not want to tell the doctor to stop the CPR, so I had to tell the doctor to stop CPR and then Dad "officially" died. For the rest of her life, Mom could not talk about Dad's death without sobbing uncontollably and reliving his receiving CPR and watching his lifeless body being carried through the garage to the ambulance.

Unfortunately, unless you can get your husband to go to the hospital, you might be experiencing a similar scenario when your husband dies at home.

Edit: My Dad knew that he was dying and he did not want to die in the hospital connected to tubes and wires because he knew nothing that the doctors were going to do would help him get better--maybe live alittle longer in pain and misery. He wanted to die at home...and he did.

Gina, call 911. Have the EMT's respond, show them all the readings you've taken with his BP, etc.
I promise, your husband is not the first patient they've responded to that says they won't go to the hospital. They can usually be very persuasive. I have seen them talk the most stubborn person into an ambulance. You won't lose anything by calling them, and then if, heaven forbid, something happens to your husband, at least you know you did everything you could.

You may have a bad history with your husband -his drinking etc-

you know he needs medical help-and you don’t want to for whatever reason
you should call someone who is willing to help him
Does he have family? Friends?

Gina, how is your husband today? ((((Hugs)))))

Gina, did you talk to his doctor last night or today?

You really need some guidance from a medical professional.

Suggesting again that you reach out to get hospice involved.

I hope all is better today-please update if you can !!

Gina, I'm so glad he's doing better!

Gina....if his hernia is displaced, he could have an obstruction. That could also be causing part of his problems. His 02 stats r very low as well. I would call 911 or if his dr calls u back, get a hospice eval done quickly. Thoughts and prayers are coming to you.....please update us as you have time....

If his O2 is 71 you need to call 911 and have the EMTs determine what needs to be done.

SMH - This poor man needs medical care. Like right now.