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My mother is 94, has LBD. Have had responsibility of her going on 3 years. 2 yrs in my house. She has nothing financially but small SS Ck. She contributes zero to household. She made no plans for old age.
She is down right mean, nothing new, self centered nothing new and mix dementia to it and it’s a battle everyday.
If I take our, husband and myself retirement to put her in a home then I will have nothing. I have ck into MediCal in Ca and they said she would have to sign to receive and she refuses. I have talked to Social Worker and she helped me find a great daycare but needed MediCal and she refused to go on MediCal to go. Her Dr told me to take her to ER and tell them she needed to be placed in a home due to her condition and we sat there 12 hours and they said can’t help you.
I do not have POA, sister in FL has and says it can’t be changed because of her diagnosis. Sister went to an attorney and ask could we get her declared incompetent and was told it would be long, drawn out and expensive. Does anyone from CA have any suggestions where I can go to get her out of my home. I cannot do this any longer.

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Have your sister read her POA. If it says Mom needs to be incompetent for the POA to take effect all you may need is a doctor or two to say in writing she is not competent to handle her own affairs. Check with MediCal to see how things are handled when a POA is involved. She can then apply for help with Moms care in a NH. I did have an appt with Medicaid to get the application started but the rest of paperwork needed I emailed. Things may have to be done long distance but its doable.
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You’re in California and I tell you for a fact that you can’t just dump her at the ER and run at present time. Not going to fly here because of the pandemic. That is why you sat at the ER for 12 hours and they couldn’t help you. LTC Facilities here are locking down and not taking new patients unless they have COVID and hospitals are doing everything they can to keep their beds open for those who really need them.

why can’t your sister handle the medi-cal stuff? She can fill out the Medi-cal paper work and sign on your moms behalf. It can all be done online. Social services is still open, they are processing medi-cal applications.
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Bamagirl88 Apr 2020
Sister is in Fl and they have Medicaid, I am in Ca and we have Medical. I will ck with Medical to see if sister can do.
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Can you just send her to your sister in FL? I mean if she already has POA, then she should be willing to give you a break. Does mom want to go to daughter in FL? I am afraid I would not give either one of them a choice. She either goes on Medical and is placed in a home, or she goes to your sister in FL. And I wouldn't budge in my decision no matter how much they scream. They are using you and abusing you. Put your foot down.
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Bamagirl88 Apr 2020
Sister refuses to take her because she lived with her previously and treated sister bad. She has to live in Fl 6 months before she could go into a home and no one in the family in Fl will let her live with them.
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I would drop her off at the ER. I wouldn't wait around for them to tell me anything.

When they call you tell them that she is not safe at your home. NOT SAFE, NOT SAFE, NOT SAFE. These are the words that get attention.

Please do not use your retirement to help her. She will buck and snort, stick to your NOT SAFE. No need to elaborate, you can not safely care for her, period end of story.

Great big warm hug!
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Bamagirl88 Apr 2020
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