I don’t know what to do or how to cope, this keeps getting worse. My 71 y/o father has myeloma, diagnosed a month ago. He is an emotionally abusive alcoholic who never cares what anyone else does for him, never thanks anyone, crafts horrible situations and it’s almost as if he enjoys the horrific thing he has put on other people. He was in the hospital, then rehab, discharged last week, and we had up in home PT, OT, nurses aide. We spent so much time dealing with insurance and doctors, had a contractor make some doable changes to the house that we could afford that would help. He will never acknowledge what we did. He can’t start chemo until he is “healthier”, whatever that means. Once home, he refused to do anything- eat more than a tiny bit, actively refused to get out of bed, so quickly undid any positive physical changes he made in rehab. They had given him tramadol in rehab so of course ended up with bad GI issues, none of the meds were helping (though he refused to eat fiber and drink much water or even attempt to evacuate his own bowel) so landed back in the ER. His oncologist says it is nearly too late for him to start chemo, he again cannot walk bc he is unwilling to try. I think he may go back to rehab, but what is the point? To get better, come home, get worse and force us all to dealing with things like his diaper and wiping his butt bc he simply doesn’t want to do it on his own. My sister and I have tried talking to my mom about divorce simply to protect assets but she won’t hear it, she spends all her time crying, and I know she needs to be able to vent to someone, but I really don’t want to be the person who she tells how horrible my dad is and how he cheated on her and told her this and did that, etc etc. she just told me she is telling me bc she doesn’t want to tell her brother or sister. I am exhausted, I have my own demanding career and I am so effing angry and my dad and worried about my mom but also mad that she won’t listen to us and even angry that she chooses her child who is already so overwhelmed to unload all this emotional history on! I also had a horrible relationship with my dad, I don’t now tell my mom stories about what he did that was so bad to me bc what good would that do? How would that be helpful to her? I just hate everything. I’m so sorry for this long vent :( I’m at the point where I don’t understand why my dad even says he wants chemo, I want to escape from this horrible hell and I don’t know what to do to make it better for anyone. I’m horrific for saying this but it would be so much better for him phsycially and us emotionally and financially if he succumbed to this, and quickly. If I try to remove myself from him, then I am essentially leaving my mom to go it alone and I can’t do that to her! I genuinely don’t know how people get through this or what I’m to do, does anyone have experience or tips?